|"Xerox (Fantendo Now)"|
| Season 1, episode 10|
| Written &|
"City of Flames"
Xerox is the tenth episode in the first season of Fantendo Now. It is the tenth episode overall.
Leah introduces her girlfriend Xerox. Rachel believes that Xerox may be trying to murder X-Ray.
Written by Exotoro
Strafe and Unten sit on the couch in Sakeena's house when they hear a loud thump at the door. Unten looks to Strafe who sighs and goes to open it up, and Leah runs in.
- Unten: Why do you keep barging in here? Just knock on the door or something, jeez...
- Leah: Well I keep trying to knock down the door but naturally it won't budge even an inch off frame.
- Unten: Why would you do that? I swear, you're like a living cartoon character.
- Leah: Well, the rules don't apply to cartoon characters...
- Strafe: Oh come on, you seriously don't believe that, do you?
- Leah: Hey, it's my life.
- Unten: You are not a cartoon character. One of these days you're gonna understand that... hopefully soon...
- Leah: Anyway I came into Sakeena's house uninvited to tell you that The President told us to go to a big event of some kind like... in two days. I wouldn't have even told you if X-Ray insisted on it.
- Unten: The President?
- Strafe: Richard Independence?
- Leah: Yeah? Who else could I be talking about?
- Unten: We're going to white house?
- Leah: Yeah? What's so exciting about that?
- Strafe: Let me guess, you're only going because X-Ray told you to?
- Leah: Well, yeah.
- Unten: X-Ray isn't even threatening though... why does she keep roping you into everything?
- Leah: She didn't rope me into anything. I kind of wish I could rope her into something but uh... hmm. That didn't land as well as I thought it did.
- Unten: Holy shit though, two days? We gotta tell PalmMan and Sakeena and get ready! Jeez.
- Strafe: I'll tell Sakeena, you go tell PalmMan.
- Leah: Oh by the way, you guys haven't met Xerox yet right?
- Unten: Xerox?
- Strafe: What?
- Leah: I mention her all the time! She's my girlfriend.
Flashback to World War III.
- Unten: Leah, I don't know how I'm gonna tell you this. We're out of rationed food.
- Leah: Damn it, I gotta tell Xerox I love her. And X-Ray.
- Unten: No time, there's a nuke a'coming!
- Leah: I've got time.
Sad music plays as Leah heads into the trenches and Unten looks at the nuke.
Flashback to the episode Another One.
- Unten: It's weird, she just came from underground, but like... it's a female beorn.
- Leah: Oh man, you fucking suck at this shit. Just go up and talk to her like a person, like I did with my girlfriend Xerox.
- Unten: Helpful advice from Leah?
- Leah: When have I not given you good advice?
- Unten: You're right, I should do that way more often! I'm pretty dumb so I should go to the smart people.
- Leah: Finally you're learnding.
Flashback to Strafe and Unten stuck in a bubble as Leah shoots at the time police.
- Leah: I'm gonna get you two idiots out of this time bubble if it kills me!
- Unten: That seems out of character for you!
- Leah: Well, I'm a good person sometimes. Something my girlfriend Xerox understands.
- Strafe: Yeah, she would understand!
- Unten: I'm pretty sure you made all of those up, including the one that actually happened.
- Strafe: When did I fight in World War III?
- Leah: Oh Strafe, honey, you didn't make it out. We had a big funeral and everything. It was really sad until Unten farted, then we all laughed.
- Unten: Stop making things up! Anyway, I'm gonna tell... PalmMan about this white house dinner.
- Leah: Cool, whatever. I'm out.
Leah folds her arms as she falls to the ground. A ambulance pulls up as X-Ray and Xerox load Leah into the back of the ambulance, and then it takes off.
Unten, Strafe, Sakeena, X-Ray, Xerox, Leah, Rachel (in a wheelchair), Reese, PalmMan, and DragonMan get off the plane.
- Unten: Boy, we spared no expense for that trip.
- Strafe: Don't you have like a billion dollars?
- Unten: Look, I just want you to feel bad that I spent airline tickets for around...
Unten starts counting and keeps loosing count as Leah keeps moving around to mess around with him. He gives up after he counts the fifth Leah.
- Reese: Your dress looks pretty good Leah.
- Leah: Yeah, she likes it too. Isn't that right, Xerox.
Rachel rolls up to Unten in a wheelchair.
- Rachel: Boy she really likes to brag, huh?
- Unten: Yeah...
- Rachel: Come on, we've got a White House dinner to go to.
- Unten: Oh yeah, that's what we came here for!
Unten stands outside the White House near a table as he sips what he thinks is apple juice. He spies Helen from a distance and walks towards her.
- Unten: Oh hey, haven't seen you in a while! What's up?
- Helen: Well, I'm no longer working for the FBI.
- Unten: Oh that sucks...
- Helen: I now operate a new branch of surveillance called "F.A.N.T" or "Forces Against National Threats".
- Unten: Oh, so upgrade then.
- Helen: Well, there's all kinds of supernatural ongoings. You see that blue guy with the scarf?
- Unten: I'm the blue guy with the scarf.
- Helen: The one that generates electricity.
Unten points to himself.
- Helen: Volt?
- Unten: Oh him.
- Helen: Or how about that guy in the mask. I think his name is Iron Mask and he comes from a dimension called the Wasteland?
- Unten: Huh.
- Helen: Yeah, we watch out for that shit now. It's been a weird change... but I'm okay with it.
Richard Independence spots Unten from afar.
- Richard Independence: Oh hey, if ain't the blue Beorn himself!
- Unten: Yeah... uh... don't call me that.
- Richard Independence: What's been going on?
- Unten: Not much I guess that wouldn't take 30 minutes to explain.
- Richard Independence: Maybe my rival Snaily Joe can listen to that. I gotta go.
Snaily Joe appears as Richard Independence goes to talk with Logi and Denos about getting one of those "Team Unten" shirts.
- Snaily Joe: Was he talking shit about me?
- Unten: Nah...
Leah and Xerox sit out on the front lawn. Xerox looks at Leah and smiles.
- Leah: You got the X-Ray stuff, right?
- Xerox: Oh, the X-Ray stuff? I uh... forgot it.
Xerox nervously laughs as Leah checks the suitcase Xerox brought with her.
- Leah: Damn it, looks like you did.
- Xerox: Can't you just date Xerox tonight? I'm sure she'd really like it, as she picked out this nice dress and all...
- Leah: Why would I do that when I can have X-Ray? Obviously not tonight because someone forgot about it but...
- Xerox: I guess I understand.
- Leah: Oh good, glad you do.
Leah gets up and talks to Rachel. Xerox picks up her journal.
Man, I screwed up today. I know I said I thought not bringing the X-Ray stuff might convince her to give a chance with Xerox but... didn't really work out today. I feel really bad, she wore the nice dress too and everything. She didn't get too overly upset with me but I guess it's just me and mirror Leah tonight again. Sometimes I do wonder if she'll ever give Xerox a chance but... every passing day provides more doubt about that.
I mean, I'm fine with how things are. I mean after all, if she loves X-Ray and I'm X-Ray at the moment, there's not a real problem in that situation. But... I guess I'm pretty selfish to want her as someone she doesn't really know.
It was really nice though, being at this White House dinner. They had it outside and with more of the unusual people that have been showing up lately. I even got a nice autograph from Volt who was kind of confused but he did it anyway. I hope he ends up with someone nice like me.
Maybe I need to get X-Ray out of the equation, now that I think about it. Sure, she would grief about it but she'd get over it sooner or later. I could burn the X-Ray costumes and stuff and maybe she would have to know me. I don't know if it's exactly right but maybe it's my one shot at getting her real attention and affection.
- X-Ray: What'cha writing?
- Xerox: Oh haha, nothing!
Xerox quickly puts the journal back into her suitcase and gets up.
- Xerox: Where's Leah?
- X-Ray: Drunk and trying to fight the president of the united states.
- Xerox: Oh dear.
- X-Ray: He's pretty amused but I'm worried whats gonna happen if she's drunk enough to give him the punch or hell, even the stab.
- Xerox: Oh jeez, I better get over there!
- X-Ray: See you later.
Xerox runs off. X-Ray wonders to herself.
- X-Ray: Maybe Leah's just really into girls with one eye covered... and have blue hair... and have skeleton stockings... hmm.
Unten and the others head back onto the plane.
- Unten: I can't believe you tried to kill the President.
- Leah: He should have died a long time ago.
- Flight Captain: Attention passengers, the fuel gauge is broken, so we're just gonna wait.
Rachel opens up her suitcase only to find stuff that's not her own.
- Rachel: Huh. Wonder who's stuff this is?
She picks up a journal and starts flipping through it.
- Rachel: Oh.
Rachel looks at Leah and Xerox. Xerox is asleep on Leah's shoulder.
- Rachel: Hm.
She starts reading the journal.
The plane lands to a terrible, almost crash-landing stop. Unten and the others seem very unnerved as they exit off the plane. Xerox checks her suitcase.
- Xerox: Wait a second, this isn't my suitcase...
She looks like she's about to hyperventilate when Rachel gives her suitcase.
- Rachel: We must have gotten mixed up. They look pretty much the same.
- Xerox: Oh thank god. I thought it was stolen... whew.
- Rachel: Don't worry, I didn't... go through it or anything like that.
- Xerox: Thanks so much!
As Leah, X-Ray, and Xerox head to their ambulance, Rachel looks to Unten.
- Rachel: Unten!
- Unten: Yeah?
- Rachel: You know how I had Xerox's suitcase? I lied about not looking through it.
- Unten: Why?
- Rachel: Okay, she keep a journal right?
- Unten: You read that too? Jeez Rachel, didn't take you for someone to invade someone's personal life like that.
- Rachel: Listen to me for a second, okay? She wrote down something about killing X-Ray.
- Unten: No she didn't.
- Rachel: Yeah, she did.
- Unten: Why would she do that?
- Rachel: Well, I don't want to make Leah look bad but...
Xerox stands in front of a mirror. As the camera turns around, we see that Xerox has "transformed" into Leah.
- Leah!Xerox: Why couldn't you just do what you were asked to do?
- Mirror!Xerox: Sorry, I was just... I wanted you to open up to me and...
- Leah!Xerox: Why would I do that? I have X-Ray and she's far prettier than you, far nicer than you, and would make a much better girlfriend than you ever would!
Mirror!Xerox starts crying.
- Mirror!Xerox: I know, I'm so selfish...
- Leah!Xerox: Don't cry, I don't like seeing you cry.
- Mirror!Xerox: Then what do you want? I've tried to be X-Ray for you but you're so frustrated that you can't have the real thing, which is on you by the way...
- Leah!Xerox: Truth is... I would like to know you but she's a foul temptress, Xerox.
Xerox wipes her eyes.
- Mirror!Xerox: Really?
- Leah!Xerox: Do you not remember? I'm your soulmate, Xerox. You've got to get rid of X-Ray otherwise it's never gonna work out in a way we both want.
- Mirror!Xerox: Do you mean it?
- Leah!Xerox: I mean every word of it.
Leah!Xerox removes her wig as she kisses the mirror.
Strafe knocks on the door of Rachel's apartment. Rachel rolls her wheelchair over to open the door.
- Rachel: Oh hey, Strafe. You're not usually up this early.
- Strafe: What are you doing up this early?
- Rachel: I'm always up this early.
- Strafe: Oh, I guess so, haha!
Rachel shakes her head as she browses her cellphone while eating Mana Loops.
- Strafe: Just gotta grab something. You wouldn't happen to have like an axe or something?
- Rachel: What do you need an axe for?
- Strafe: Cutting down trees.
- Rachel: Well, I don't have any axes. Why do you need to cut down a tree? This better not lead into some kind of bad pick-up line.
- Strafe: Well, there's a tree in Sakeena's yard and none of us like it so...
- Rachel: I'll just buy you an axe, then. Let me finish this up...
- Strafe: Oh man, there's no time for that. You know what, could I just have the money? Right now?
- Rachel: Okay, something's up.
- Strafe: What makes you say that?
- Rachel: Pretty much everything? Now that I think about it, Sakeena doesn't even have a tree in her yard, does she?
- Strafe: Alright, I'm gonna come clean.
Strafe's right hand comes into focus. His pinky has a needle slightly over it, athough not exactly like Leah's as it juts out just a bit more. He comes over to Rachel and stabs her in the neck with the needle and injects something that makes her fall asleep almost instantly.
- Strafe: Jeez, why does this guy wear such stuffy jackets anyway?
Strafe is revealed to be Xerox, who does a quick search through the house for something to kill X-Ray with.
- Xerox: What kind of a woman doesn't have knives or guns in her house? Jeez!
She comes across a broken bottle and picks it up, deciding it's good enough. She puts on the Strafe disguise as she heads out with the bottle.
- Unten: I'm telling you, it just seems highly implausible that Xerox would try and kill X-Ray. I just can't see it, personally.
- Sakeena: I say that's a fault of you, personally, even if my fanfics haven't really represented that flaw very well...
- Strafe: I'm up, what are you guys talking about?
- Sakeena: Oh hey Strafe! We were just talking about something Rachel told Unten.
- Strafe: Hmm. What's that?
- Sakeena: Xerox wants to kill X-Ray or something?
- Unten: Yeah, that's basically it.
- Strafe: Do you believe her?
- Unten: I think she may have taken something out of context.
Somebody knocks at the door.
- Unten: Oh hey, who is it?
Unten opens up the door to see Leah. He lets her in, as she walks around in a circle with her hands behind her back.
- Leah: You guys seen X-Ray?
- Unten: Nah...
- Sakeena: She's out by lake I think. She likes being there when it gets foggy, like now. I thought you knew this though? Don't you go with her to the park when that happens?
- Strafe: How the hell do you know this?
- Sakeena: I know a lot of things, Strafe.
Strafe mouths something and Sakeena nods. Strafe seems what disgusted and impressed.
- Leah: Well, thanks. I guess I'll just head over there now.
- Unten: Something ain't right...
Leah and X-Ray walk across the lake edge, talking about water bottles.
- Leah: It's just a big conspiracy!
- X-Ray: I've only used one water bottle in my entire life. I keep filling it up.
- Leah: Yeah, too bad some people just aren't as resourceful, huh?
Another Leah appears behind them and stealthily sneaks behind them. Leah and X-Ray have no idea. The other Leah readies the broken bottle as the air becomes incredibly foggy, to the point where nobody can really tell where they are.
- Leah: That's the bad thing about foggy mornings, you can't really see where you're going... X-Ray?
- X-Ray: I'm right here, Leah.
- Leah: No you're not...
X-Ray looks around as the other Leah pulls out the broken glass bottle. She's just about to stab X-Ray when Rachel's motorcycle pulls up with Unten on it.
- Unten: Never riding one of these damn things again. Xerox!
Unten loosens his helmet and drops it to the ground. The other Leah goes for the kill when Leah spots her and grabs her. The other Leah blushes before kicking her in the stomach.
- Leah: Ack! Help!
- Unten: Aw jeez, not another one of these! I don't know Leah enough to tell who's the real one!
- Leah: It's me!
- Other Leah: No, it's me!
- Unten: Neither of you are helping!
- Leah: Shut the hell up you blue Teddy Ruxpin!
- Other Leah: Billy Bob Brockali, get back to The Rock-afire Explosion!
- Unten: Was really hoping that would help but it didn't and now my feelings are hurt.
Other Leah hits Leah in the face and runs towards X-Ray, grabbing the broken bottle.
- Leah: Gah!
- Unten: Well, it's obviously her.
Unten aims at the other Leah with a taser gun out of his arrow hostler. Other Leah falls down in shock.
- Leah: Where did your blue ass get a fucking taser gun?
- Unten: That's none of your concern. I'm not telling you mostly because I don't want you to buy one.
- Leah: Phh.
- Unten: So turns out you were right, after all.
- Rachel: Well yeah, no doy.
- Unten: Sorry.
- Rachel: It's fine, I just wonder what's gonna happen now. She's going to jail and... sigh. I feel bad for her.
- Unten: She just tried to murder someone!
- Rachel: Yeah but she had kind of a purpose in it? I dunno.
- Unten: Leah's a total scumbag though.
- Rachel: Oh, no doubt about that. It's weird how people keep falling for those two.
- Unten: Yeah... it's like they're metal or something. The two metals.
- Sakeena: Oh, that's a bunch of... how come I don't feel any of that, huh?
- Leah Needlenam
- Sakeena Kamel
- Iron Mask
- Richard Independence
- Snaily Joe
- Helen Rizzo
- Although the flashback to "Another One" is fake, Leah really does mention Xerox in that episode.
- Leah and X-Ray briefly talk about water bottles, a reference to the ending of Crash.
- Rachel appears in a wheelchair due to the events of Crash as this episode takes place after that episode.
|The Great Train Robbery • Witch House • Metamorphosis • Singing and Dancing • Halal and Hotdogs • Another One • Bermuda Bermuda • The Apprentice • Crash • Xerox • 3.14 Neon • PalmMan in Miami • Bad Vibes • City of Flames • Prom Night|
|Settling into Boltzmann|