I may be a paranoid with that. But I just want to improve on Fantendo, and I must feel ok and integrated on this wiki if I want to improve, because bad feelings lock me. I f***ing want to stop feeling that!!! I don't want to seem a noob ar a guy that needs to go to the psychologist. I just want to be better here.
I'm really locked on Fantendo. I find that everyone cares for other people but me. And I don't want to feel that, I want that people know my works. Because if I do original games and not all the time Marios or Sonics or Pokemons is because I don't find a good idea to create them. But of course, with BoB, I can't get the attention of a lot of editors that just care fan games and when they do a "Fantendo Fighting <something>" or a Fantendo Kart, people just care for the same characters, but I can't get Aingeru in any of them because he's not enough well-known. It's frustrating when I have been creating already the fifth BoB game, that just a few users know who is the main protagonist. I have been searching the way to make it a bit famous but I just don't see the way to get it.
Then, when we talk about still some old users (that influence the whole wiki), I feel that they don't even know that I exist, and it's kind of frustrating. I have been a long year on Fantendo, and it's enough (I think) to be known by them. I really hate it, and I don't want to feel still that. Because I'm a guy that does at least 50 edits per day and I edit enough to know about me. Or my past, I have been in so many big problems on the wiki to be known. But no... people just know me when I'm "worse than a demon" and had attacked Elise. Besides that, I think I'm good enough to be a bit well-known.
Also... I want to feel I'm doing a useful work for the wiki, that I'm not an obstacle. Because I have tried to help when trolls have been around here, adding the Delete template in the shit pages, adding categories on the pages that hadn't categories. But I also want to feel onto the wiki, that people read my blogs, give opinions of my ideas and on chat, that people care at least a bit for my ideas and opinions. But I sometimes think I'm so boring that people avoid my blogs and ignore me to do funny stuff for them. I don't want that my most read blogs are the "Just good things" and when I accept art requests. I want to be one of the Fantendo Community.
BUT THE MAIN PROBLEM IS me. I'm not a friendly guy, a person that can fit in any group of friends. I try to get interested on things that other people do but I get bored easily. I just see that I'm not a good friend that is hoping people gets interested on me... but I guess there aren't things that people gets interested, because I'm more or less like Elise, that doesn't like nothing. I'm just a boring person who bores everyone, even me... I hate me for all of that, because I really want to be more friendly, but I guess it's impossible for me to be friendly. And it makes me feel really bad... All I needed was being surrounded of people that care for me, but I guess I'm not done to have friends...