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There Ain't No Rest For The Sweg Pals (The Jam)

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This episode of The Jam is brought to you by sweg.

(episode starts with Kontrast reading a book, with Lenneh sitting next to him.)

Kontrast: “Siderella the talking avocado sat on the wooden bench, baking in the July sunshine…”

Lenneh: Is Siderella hairy?

Kontrast: She’s an avocado. So probably.

Kontrast: *looks up to see the main characters talking to each other, and closes his book*

Kontrast: Gee, why can’t we be main characters? We have some interesting stories and ideas to share, why are we just here for comic relief?

Lenneh: We’re like those Cutie Mark Crusader freaks from that one pony show. We’re here to do something stupid, and then the morale of the story is don’t be stupid.

Lenneh: But, unlike the CMC, we don’t even get our own episodes.

Kontrast: We could just get the producers to give us our own episodes…

Lenneh: But how?

Kontrast: We’re wacky comic relief characters, we can break the fourth wall all we’d like.

Lenneh: So how do we get to them?

Kontrast: In a car. By the way, how old are you?

Lenneh: Thirteen.

Kontrast: Okay, so neither of us know how to drive.

(Both Lenneh and Kontrast are silent for a moment)

Kontrast: Let’s do it anyways!

(scene changes to Kontrast and Lenneh sitting in a Walmart parking lot)

Lenneh: How are we going to get a car?

Kontrast: Steal it.

Lenneh: Well that’s r00d

Kontrast: We’re comic relief characters, we can get away with breaking the law.

(a woman in a car drives by)

(Kontrast pulls shotgun from behind his back and taps on car window.)

Kontrast: GET OUT.

Lenneh: Wait, let me guess how you got the shotgun. We’re comic relief characters?

Kontrast: Exactly.

(the woman gets out of the car)

Woman: HEL-

Lenneh: (is holding their own shotgun, which they use to shoot the woman into the sun)

Kontrast: You’re getting better at this!

(scene switches to Kontrast and Lenneh driving in a car)

Kontrast: (looks in rear view mirror)

Kontrast: Ah, shoot. The cops are after us.

(car stops, and a policeman comes to the window)

Kontrast: Yes, sir?

Policeman: How old are you?

Kontrast (is holding shotgun, which he uses to shoot the cop in the eye)

Lenneh: Okay, I can see someone shooting someone else into the sun being funny, but that was just cruel.

Kontrast: That’s another thing about being a goofy side character. Your actions don’t weigh anything against the plot.

Kontrast: As the comic relief characters, it’s perfectly acceptable to ruin the plot’s consistency, or break the fourth wall. As long as it’s for the lols, right?

Lenneh: Wow, that’s pretty deep. Now that I think about it, we are just stand-ins for comedy.

Kontrast: Exactly. That’s what I plan on changing today.

(the car pulls up to a studio)

Lenneh: Well, this is their house.

(Kontrast and Lenneh get out of the car, and Kontrast knocks on the door.)


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