It's the first episode of The Super Smash Bros. Super Show!
TV Description: Mario finds himself on a distant planet, where he butts heads with a blue hedgehog.
(Open at a restroom. Mario and Luigi are actually doing their jobs for once when the Mushroom signal appears on their watches.)
Mario: (sticks his head out of the toilet) Oh, great. The princess was kidnapped. Again.
Luigi: (pushes Mario's head back into the toilet) Oh, well. We're too busy trying not to get fired to go on another heroic escapade.
Mario: But we can't let Bowser eat the princess!
Luigi: He doesn't want to eat the princess. Look at how skinny she is! There's not enough meat on her bones to fill a rat, much less the king of reptiles!
Mario: Then what does he want?
Luigi: He wants to lure you in and eat the deliciousness that is your fat self!
Mario: Oh. Then if we don't try to save her, Bowser will just let her go, right?
Luigi: Yeah. Once he figures out that the princess is useless, he'll just throw her into the sea, and all of our problems will be solved!
(Luigi flushes the toilet before Mario can get out, then he walks out of the bathroom whistling.)
Luigi: Your toilet's good as new, miss!
(Cut to Planet Kyoto. Mario falls from the sky and lands with a thud.)
Mario: Mamma mia. I think I broke my face.
(After an hour or so of moping about his failed life, Mario sees a blue and orange blur pass him.)
Mario: What was that?
(The blur passes him again.)
Mario: Show yourself!
(The blur passes him again.)
Mario: (takes out a plunger) I've got a weapon, and I'm not afraid to use it.
(As the blur begins to pass him again, Mario aims the plunger and makes shooting sounds. Sonic falls to the ground bleeding.)
Sonic: Golly gee, man!
Mario: Who are you, and what is this place?
Sonic: I'm Sonic, the fastest rodent-like mammal in the universe! And if you want to know where you are, you'll have to catch me first!
(As Sonic begins to run, Mario makes shooting sounds again.)
Sonic: (falls to the ground again) Who knew janitor tools could make such deep wounds?
Mario: This is not a game!
(Mario jumps up and down in frustration, and video game sound effects play throughout.)
Voice: (from above) You need to lighten up.
Mario: What on Earth?
(Pan up to show Tails flying high in the sky, using his tail as a propeller.)
Tails: First you so rudely interrupt the piggyback ride Sonic gives me, and now you're denying him a friendly race! People like you should be locked up!
Mario: I'm sorry. I've had a bad day, alright? A giant turtle kidnapped my love interest, my sibling rival flushed me down a toilet, and now I'm in some strange place with no way to get home.
Tails: It could be worse. You could have oral herpes.
(Suddenly, Luigi falls from the sky and takes Tails down with him.)
Luigi: Mario! You're not drowning in sewage!
Mario: Luigi! I'm going to murder you!
(Mario jumps on Luigi and strangles him. Sonic, who has miraculously recovered from being shot twice, forces Mario off before he can finish the job.)
Sonic: Hey! Fratricide is not cool!
Mario: I'm a plumber with an Italian accent! Can I really get any less cool?
Sonic: Good point. But you should at least give your bro credit for coming back to get you.
Luigi: (coughs) Yeah! I almost had to beg that woman to let me flush myself down her toilet. Also, Mario, the boss says you're fired for skipping work again.
Mario: I hate you, Luigi.
Luigi: (chuckles) You don't mean that.
Mario: No, I'm pretty sure I do.
Tails: (singing and snapping) Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?
Mario: I hope you don't expect us to pay the royalties for that, fox boy.
Sonic: Guys, I think Tails has a point. I know as much about this place as you nerds. One minute, I'm bouncing off of springs at Emerald Hill. The next, I'm trying not to soil my pants as Tails flies me down here from 600 feet in the air. We both want to get out of here. We both have people who miss us at home, so instead of bickering, we should team up and try to figure something out together.
Luigi: (pauses) You wear pants?
Mario: You are beyond help, Luigi. Alright, spiky hair. I'll help you. But only because I have no other choice. I can't leave the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach, and Wario behind.
Luigi: I'd be glad to leave Wario behind. But yeah, I'll help, too.
Tails: And you know I'm in! This is going to be the greatest adventure ever!
Mario: Don't get your hopes up. It's only Saturday morning television.
Written by: JCM
Title slide: Sonic the Hedgehog title screen music
Restroom scene: Donkey Kong Stage One music
Planet Kyoto scene: Kongo Jungle music (SSB)