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The Fantendo of the Opera/Scene 1

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ACT 1 Scene 1 REHEARSALS FOR "Ultimate End:The Musical!" BY JAMES SHROOMICUS McTOAD III

(We have reached the great choral scene in which Hiro parts forever from Sauron. HIRO is FLAME; SAURON, is KARMA. The two leading DANCERS are played by HEART and TULIP NOOK. PASHIE is the ballet mistress. SHROOMY and INDI555, the recent aquirerers of the theatre are in charge.

We join the opera towards the end of Sauron's (Karma's) great aria. She looking at Hiro as she bleeds from a wound in her chest.

Kama: Maestro.

(The introduction is played on the piano)

Karma

Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye. Remember me once in a while - please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again, you long to take your heart . . .

(As Karma is singing a backdrop crashes to the floor cutting her off from half the cast)

Heart/Ballet Girls/Chorus He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . . He is with us . . . It's the ghost . . .

Clyde (looking up, furiously) You idiots!

(He rushes over to Karma) Karma? Karma? Are you hurt?

Shroomy

Karma! Are you all right? Bukoop! Where is Bukoop?

Clyde

Is no one concerned for our prima donna?

Indi

Get that man down here ! (to Shroomy) Chief of the flies. He's responsible for this.

(The drop is raised high enough to reveal upstage an old stagehand, Bukoop, holding a length of rope, which looks almost like a noose)

Shroomy

Bukoop! For the Fan's sake, man, what's going on up there?

Bukoop

Please sir. don't look at me: as God's my witness, I was not at my post.

Please sir, there's no one there: and if there is, well then, it must be a ghost . . .

Heart (looking up) He's there; the Phantom of the Opera ...

Indi

Good heavens! Will you show a little courtesy?

Shroomy (to Heart and the OTHERS) Everyone, please!

Indi (to Karma) These things do happen.

Karma These things do happen! Well, until you stop these things happening, this thing does not happen!

Clyde! Come! (Clyde dutifully fetches her furs from the wings)

Clyde Amateurs !

Indi

Karma will be back.

Pashie You think so, sirs? I have a message, sir, from the Opera Ghost.

(The GIRLS twitter and twirl in fear)

Shroomy By the Fan, you're all obsessed!

Pashie He merely welcomes you to his opera house and commands you to continue to leave Box Five empty for his use and reminds you that his salary is due.

Indi His salary?

Pashie

He expects at least 1000 Fantendollars a month from the managers.

Indi (to Shroomy) This is mad! They expect us to pay a fake specter!

Indi

But who will sing Karma's role?

Heart Tulip Nook could sing it, sir.

Shroomy The chorus girl ?

Heart (to Shroomy) She's been taking lessons from a great teacher

Indi

From whom ?

Tulip (uneasily) I don't know, sir . . .

Shroomy

Oh, not you as well! (turning to Indi) Can you believe it? A full house - and we have to cancel !

Pashie Let her sing for you, sir. She has been well taught.

Indi (after a pause) From the beginning of the aria then, ms.

Tulip: Think of me think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye. Remember me once in a while - please promise me you'll try.

Shroomy Indi, this is doing nothing for my nerves.

Indi Don't fret, Shroomy.

Tulip:

When you find that, once again, you long to take your heart back and be free - if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me

(Transformation to the Gala. Tulip is revealed in full costume)


We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea - but if you can still remember stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things we've shared and seen - don't think about the things which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned.

Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind.

Recall those days look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do - there will never be a day, when I won't think of you . .

(Applause, bravos. Prominent among the bravos, those of the young YoshiEgg Nook in the manager's box)

YE: Yup? (Meaning "can that be Tulip!")

(he raises his opera-glasses)

Yup! (Meaning "It is!") (lowering his opera-glasses)

Tulip:

We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea - but please promise me, that sometimes you will think of me!

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