|"The Bat (Fantendo Now)"|
| Season 2, episode 4|
| Written &|
"The Threat's Beorn"
The Bat is the fourth episode in the second season of Fantendo Now. It is the nineteenth episode overall.
A teenage baseball player gets a hold on a stray Galvan Artifact. Things go sour fast.
Written by PabloDePablo
The episode begins with Sakeena seemingly very busy on her laptop. PalmMan walks by, glancing at her.
- PalmMan: Busy writing, huh?
Sakeena looks at him and then back to her laptop.
- Sakeena: Nah, keeping an eye on news stuff. Always gotta be alert if bad things start going down.
- PalmMan: Isn't that the gods' jobs? They're omnipotent, right?
- Sakeena: Well... even if those guys are omnipotent, I should be vigilant. That's important to what we do.
Sakeena stops suddenly, looking closer at her screen. There's a blurry photo of a store with shelves knocked over and someone standing in the middle of the mess.
- Sakeena: See? Found that one all on my-
A hologram of The Fan appears next to the two.
- The Fan: Sorry to interrupt, but somehow a human got a hold of a Galvan Artifact and we need you to deal with it. They're somewhere in America... just wait here until I can open a portal.
Sakeena groans as the hologram disappears.
PalmMan paces back and forth across the living room while Sakeena writes something down.
- PalmMan: Galvan Artifacts... what are those again?
- Sakeena: Like that scarf Volt has or whatever. They give people superpowers.
- PalmMan: And one got into the wrong hands.
- Sakeena: Yeah.
- PalmMan: Do any of us even know where Volt is? He could help us deal with it, but he's never around.
- Sakeena: I... think he has a phone? Let's see.
Volt throws down a sleeping bag in the middle of the forest, zipping himself inside. He sees a raccoon nearby and the two stare at each other for several moments. Volt slinks further into the sleeping bag, shuddering. Suddenly, his phone starts buzzing.
- Volt: Hello?
- PalmMan: Oh, finally, right number.
- Volt: Oh, hey, Palm...Friend...?
- PalmMan: No, it's... look, whatever, someone on Earth got a Galvan Artifact and The Fan wants us to go get it but we're not entirely sure what we're doing.
- Volt: Galvan Artifact? Crap. I'll be there as fast as I can.
Volt hangs up, getting out of his sleeping bag. He looks around a bit.
- Volt: Alright... so, where am I relative to them...
A teenage girl with short red hair walks through a wrecked grocery store, the noise of metal hitting against the floor prominent. The camera pans down to show she's carrying a metal baseball bat with three glowing runes on it.
- Minerva: Damn rascal thinks he can escape justice. Stealing from a poor old lady, locking himself in a store... makes me sick.
Minerva hears something and turns around quickly. Someone's running out of the store to their car.
- Minerva: Get back here! You can't outrun justice, you crook!
Minerva smashes a hole in the wall with her bat, running at unnatural speeds to chase after the criminal. She catches up with the car and grabs it, digging her feet into the ground and halting it.
- Minerva: Get out here, criminal!
The robber reluctantly climbs out, hands in the air.
- Robber: Fine, whatever, c-call the cops! Just... tell me what the hell you are first!
- Minerva: Just a vigilante, duh.
Volt wanders aimlessly through the forest, clearly lost. He notices a portal nearby.
- Volt: Right now? ...well, maybe I can explain I'm busy...
Volt pokes his head into the portal. It leads to Sakeena's home.
- Volt: Oh, different portal. Huh.
Volt moves in.
- Sakeena: Different portal...?
- Volt: Oh, nothing important. Did one of those god guys open that for me?
- PalmMan: Yep.
- Volt: I could have found my way here anyways. Probably. But tell them thanks anyways.
- Sakeena: So, how do we deal with this magical artifact type stuff?
- Volt: Well, if they're still here on Earth, they're probably not involved with that whole war thing, so just... get the artifact away from them and throw 'em in regular old human jail. Should be easy, right?
- PalmMan: Sounds easy enough. Yo, mister eternal ruler of the known universe, if you can hear us, open the portal now.
A portal opens next to PalmMan. PalmMan gives a thumbs up and steps through with Sakeena and Volt following him.
Three individuals sit around in an armored van; a man wearing a motorcycle helmet and a trenchcoat, a woman toying with some devices, and a pale old man clutching a small bag. All three have F.A.N.T badges, labelling them as Deadeye, Trish, and Frederick, respectively.
- Deadeye: This is bullshit. This whole mission. It's just bullshit.
Trish rolls her eyes and looks out the window.
- Trish: Yep. No sign of the target anywhere. Want me to grab snacks, Darren?
- Deadeye: Call me Deadeye, Trish! I didn't pick out a codename just for people to not use it!
- Frederick: Please, please. Actions speak louder than words, kiddo.
- Deadeye: What does that have to do with anything?
A loud noise outside alarms all three. Deadeye' and Trish hop out of the van and see Sakeena, PalmMan, and Volt.
- Trish: Freeze! You're not authorized to be here.
- Deadeye: Cool it, Trish. I remember these guys from the files. They're with that alien that saved everyone a while back.
- Trish: Wait, like... that bear or whatever? The bear or whatever?
- PalmMan: His name's Unten, and yeah, we know him.
- Frederick: Lovely! Visitors.
- Sakeena: What are you government guys doing here?
- Deadeye: Trying to find a superpowered individual reported to be in the area. You?
- Sakeena: ...same thing, actually.
- Deadeye: Well... hm. Trish, what do regulations say about this?
Trish groans, grabbing a tablet and scrolling through several regulations.
- Trish: Says they're allowed to help.
- Deadeye: Alright. You guys need a lift?
- PalmMan: Sure, why not. All aboard the government-funded assault vehicle, guys.
PalmMan, Sakeena, Volt, Frederick, and Deadeye all sit cramped together in the back of the vehicle while Trish drives.
- Deadeye: So... how'd you three meet Unten?
- PalmMan: Intergalactic kidnapping incident that involved some dungeon crawling.
- Volt: Yeah, me too.
- Sakeena: He came out of the woods and started living under the same roof as me.
- Volt: Wait, is that actually how you met?
- PalmMan: Yeah, I was there.
- Volt: I really need to catch up on this stuff.
- Sakeena: How about you, mister... Deadeye...? How'd you three end up together?
- Deadeye: We all got sorted here, Squad 472. I got placed here for my abnormal eyesight.
Deadeye lifts the visor of his helmet. His eyes are glowing bright white and he seems pained looking at anything.
- Trish: I can light my hands on fire.
- Deadeye: Heating them up doesn't count as fire, Trish.
- Trish: Pssh, whatever.
- Frederick: And I collect knick-knacks.
- Volt: Interesting, but... what's your power?
- Frederick: The knick-knacks, sonny.
Frederick hands Volt a snowglobe. Volt looks at it for a moment and suddenly his eyes go wide and he shivers.
- Deadeye: His little souvenirs contain... I dunno, past lives or ghosts or something. They make people see some seriously fucked-up stuff.
Volt nods slowly, handing the snowglobe back.
- Frederick: Infinite cosmic wisdoms, younglin'. The memories nobody can recall.
Sakeena notices something out of the corner of her eye and looks out the window. Someone's running next to the van, and keeping up with it.
- Sakeena: Uh, guys? I think that's who we're looking for.
Sakeena points at the figure, and Volt and PalmMan look at it. Trish slams the brakes, and the person following them stops too, walking out of the shadows.
- Minerva: More police trying to mess with me, huh? Well, you better fuck off, you hear me?! I'm the new keeper of the law around here!
Volt gets out of the vehicle, moving slowly and defensively.
- Volt: I can say with absolute certainty that at least half of us aren't police, alright?
Minerva frowns and runs at Volt, swinging her bat as his floating head. It goes flying and Sakeena catches it.
- Sakeena: Oh shit, are... are you dead?
- Volt (clearly in pain): NO BUT THIS IS EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL PUT ME BACK
Sakeena nods, running towards Volt's body. PalmMan tries to hold off Minerva, but she hits his leg and he falls over.
- Deadeye: Target has gone hostile! Let's move out.
Deadeye grabs a rifle and some tranquilizers as he and the other agents get out of the van.
- Minerva: Back off! I'm not afraid to fight you three!
Trish charges at Minerva, trying to wrestle the bat out of her hands. Minerva tosses her aside.
- Sakeena: What do I do to reattach your head?
Volt's hands motion for Sakeena to set his head down near the body. She places it down and moves a nearby metal bench to shield the two. Volt's body 'crackles' as his head begins floating in its regular spot again.
- Volt: Thanks. Back into action?
Sakeena nods, forming orbs of metal from the bench. She flings two at Minerva, trying to restrain her limbs, but she dodges them.
- Deadeye: It's time we start cutting out losses! Trish needs medical support ASAP.
Deadeye and Volt help Trish up while Sakeena tries to restrain Minerva again. She fails and Minerva looks furious as she runs away.
- PalmMan: So... we just got our asses kicked. Are we all at least breathing?
Trish coughs a bit, giving a thumbs up.
- Trish: It'll take more than that to kill me.
- Deadeye: You still probably broke some bones. Let's regroup, we can get the target later.
Volt rubs his head a bit as Deadeye and PalmMan wrap bandages around Trish's left arm.
- Deadeye: Alright, that should just about do it. Not perfect, but as long as you stay still we can patch you up better back at HQ.
- Trish: Stay still? We need to get that criminal. Just put me on even ground with her and I can handle her.
Trish tries to lift her fist but strains her arm. Deadeye puts a hand on her shoulder.
- Deadeye: Not with a broken arm. If you stay put, I'll let you handle the next five cases.
- Trish: Next five.
- Deadeye: Sure, whatever, however much work you want to put on your shoulders! Just... don't do anything brash.
- Volt: So, next move?
- Deadeye: The target probably wants to play defensive now. We apprehend her and get her back to base once we find out she's hiding.
- Volt: What happens to the artifact then?
- Deadeye: What artifact?
- Volt: Galvan Artifacts, see?
Volt holds his scarf up.
- Volt: That's why she's so powerful. Probably unlocking latent physical capabilities.
- Deadeye: Hm... gonna need backup on this one. Dealing with unknown new scienes isn't this squad's job.
- PalmMan: Or you could let us handle it.
- Sakeena: Yeah, Volt understands what's going on and we all have experience fighting.
- Deadeye: Nah, we're already too involved in the case to back down. Frederick, get us a helicopter over here.
Frederick nods, switching on a radio and mumbling into it. Volt looks at PalmMan, who shrugs.
PalmMan, Sakeena, and Volt sit around on the sidewalk. PalmMan sighs, tapping his fingers against the pavement.
- PalmMan: Think The Fan's gonna be mad the government's dealing with this one?
- Sakeena: He didn't specifically say to bring the artifact back, right...?
- Volt: Honestly, I'm not comfortable with them dealing with that. Do they even know what they're handling?
A helicopter flies low over the three. Volt gets up and looks at it, slowly heading off to follow it.
- PalmMan: Volt, maybe taking this one into your own hands isn't the best idea.
- Volt: Give me three good reasons why I shouldn't.
- PalmMan: Well, you'd risk getting on the bad side of some pretty major organizations.
- Volt: Hasn't Leah broken some laws?
PalmMan looks as though he's about to say something, but then stops, pondering.
- PalmMan: Well... hm. Maybe. But still, you probably shouldn't.
- Sakeena: Plus, who says she won't knock your head off again?
- PalmMan: Just let this one slide. We helped, but now they've made it their problem.
- Volt: Help... wait a minute...
- Sakeena: What are you up to?
- Volt: Maybe we can just talk her down. She might not be handling that sort of power well.
- PalmMan: We just told you getting involved is a bad idea.
- Sakeena: He has a point, though. When I first got my powers, I didn't know what to do. Not that hard to think someone else might be going through that dilemma.
- Volt: Right. She could be just as much a danger to herself as she is to others.
- PalmMan: ...alright, fine. But if this goes south and we all end up in jail, don't try and say this wasn't your idea.
- Volt: Deal.
The three head off after the helicopter.
Deadeye and several F.A.N.T agents sit in the back of the helicopter. Deadeye lifts his visor and looks at an old, broken-down house below them.
- Deadeye: Nothing yet...
The agents groan.
- Deadeye: ...wait, there, in the window. Red hair, holding a bat... yeah, there's the target. Bring us closer down.
The helicopter descends, a searchlight sweeping over Minerva. Deadeye grabs a megaphone and his tranquilizer rifle.
- Deadeye: Ma'am, identify yourself, stand down, and hand over the artifact. Comply and we can guarantee you'll face minimum prison time.
Minerva grimaces and heads further into the house, curling up on a dusty couch. Cockroaches crawl out and she panics, swinging her bat at several objects. She opens her eyes and all the furniture in the room has been broken.
- Deadeye (off-screen): Are you trying to intimidate us? 6-inch thick steel plating holds up better than vintage furniture.
Minerva groans loudly to herself, sitting down on the floor. She hears creaking and grabs the bat, holding it close to herself.
- Minerva: C-come up here with your hands up! No funny business!
Sakeena pokes her head into the attic. Minerva looks confused.
- Minerva: ...how'd you get in here?
- Sakeena: We snuck in through the backyard. We don't want to fight this time.
Sakeena enters the room, followed by Volt and PalmMan.
- Minerva: If you aren't here to fight, why do you have me surrounded?
- Sakeena: That's not what we're trying to do. We just wanted to talk.
- Minerva: About putting me in jail? Away from everyone else just because this.... alien weapon bullshit?
- Volt: It's a Galvan Artifact. I have one too, see?
Volt holds his scarf out. Minerva squints and looks at it.
- Minerva: ...huh.
- Volt: I get it, it can be overwhelming, but... turning to crime isn't the answer.
- Minerva: Crime? Oh god, that's not... that's not what I wanted.
Minerva groans, slumping against the wall. Volt and Sakeena sit down next to her.
- Sakeena: Just talk it out.
- Minerva: Right, right. Well... my name's Minerva. I found this thing down by the river a few days ago and I wasn't sure what to do, so I tried being a vigilante. Hunting thieves and such.
- Volt: So you had good intentions.
- Minerva: Yeah, but... obviously I fucked that up. I just wanna go back to my old life... at least there I'm not a criminal freak.
- PalmMan: How'd you get so good with a bat, anyways? Did it give you supernatural 'learn how to knock heads off in 5 easy steps' power?
- Minerva: Nah, I play baseball for my school team. I'm good at it, apparently, cuz that's all anyone ever wants to talk about.
Minerva exhales and frowns.
- Minerva (in mocking tone): "Oh, Minerva, what a great batting average!" "Wow, Minerva, what about a scholarship?". Fuck that noise. I have a life outside of that. Well... had one.
- Volt: Listen... whatever happens, we'll get you through it. Probably hire a therapist.
- Minerva: Nah, too late for me now. Thanks for trying to fix things, I guess.
Sakeena frowns and puts a hand on Minerva's shoulder.
- Sakeena: Don't talk like that. Just because things look tough or you're going through changes doesn't mean you should give up.
- Volt: Yeah. I mean, I've seen some pretty crazy stuff over the last few years, but... I'm still me.
- PalmMan: You can't just give up like that.
- Minerva: ...you know what? You're right. I'm not going down without trying.
Minerva gets up and heads to the window. PalmMan and Sakeena look worried while Volt tries to motion for her to walk back.
- Minerva: Yo, government guys, can I negotiate my surrender or what?
PalmMan, Sakeena, and Volt sit in an office. PalmMan leans back in his chair, yawning.
- PalmMan: Why were we ordered to be here again?
- Sakeena: The letter didn't say much about why, just that it was urgent business with F.A.N.T and that I'd have to get Volt back over here.
The door opens. Helen Rizzo and Minerva walk in, Minerva smiling and waving at Volt and Sakeena. Helen sets down a large metal case and unlocks it, revealing the Galvan Bat.
- Helen: Sorry about the wait. Hello, you three.
- PalmMan: Oh, uh... hi, Rizzo.
Helen sits at her desk.
- Helen: This meeting is about... well, thanking you for what you did. I'm legally obligated to say the following statement doesn't reflect the opinions of F.A.N.T or any affiliated governments, but... someone down the chain of command misinterpreted orders big time and they're prooobably getting fired.
- Sakeena: Really?
- Helen: Yes. I specifically stated we should attempt peaceful negotiations. Squad 472 being deployed was a mistake.
- Volt: So... what'll happen to Minerva here?
Minerva grins, looking at Helen and gesturing towards the other three.
- Helen: Me and Minerva have been talking and we agreed that her Galvan Artifact will remain in our custody until she's done with the scholarship we just so happened to pay for. After that, she can come get it whenever she feels ready... and between the five of us, I'm already considering hiring her for some very high-level secret sub-organizations.
- Sakeena: Oh, awesome!
- Minerva: Thanks, you guys. Don't worry, I won't be doing anymore unsupervised vigilante work.
Sakeena gives Minerva a thumbs-up. Volt glances at the bat, wondering how it got on Earth.
Denos and Logi are sightseeing on an alien world. Denos takes a sip of his drink but suddenly looks worried.
- Denos: Logi, I think we missed an artifact during inventory count.
- Logi: Nah. Well... maybe. Don't worry, Unten'll let us know if something happens.
- Denos: ...yeah, I guess he will.
Denos leans back again.