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Strafe: Warzones

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Strafe: Warzones is a reboot of Strafe announced at the Fantendo 8th Anniversary Showcase. A trailer was shown, showing the setting and perhaps some of the plot. The game follows Strafe as he attempts to leave his emotional backage behind from seeing his own mother die shortly after Noah enters a civil war.

The game also guest stars Leah Needlenam and X-Ray, who appear in roles akin to Black Widow in Captain America: The Winter Solider. Currently the villains are unknown, as the children seen in the trailer are stated not to be the villains of the story.

Showcase Trailer

The trailer begins with various scenes of destruction and warfare, with distorted children's voices overlaid it. We then cut to a desert where we see a van driven by Strafe. He stops when he sees a bunch of dead bodies over by a mysterious hole. Strafe gets out of the van to investigate where he suddenly caught by a net. Cut to black.

When he wakes, he is surrounded by children. The children beat him senselessly, and a bunch of various scenes show Strafe being abused while strapped to a chair. The children then attempt to shove him into a metal room with another man, one much older. As he attempts to escape, something bursts into the wall. As the dust clears, it is a military jeep being driven by Leah Needlenam. The kids back away as she and X-Ray exit the vehicle, taking Strafe in the chair with them.


The story of Strafe: Warzones will be about 20 chapters long. Not much is really known about it at the moment.

Chapter 1: The Rascals

We see a bunch of brief scenes showing violence in Noah before it cuts out and focuses on a white van going down a road out in the desert. We see Strafe behind the wheel as he looks straight ahead, looking somewhat hurt as smoke from Noah blows in the distance. He looks back briefly before looking at the road again before suddenly braking.

Strafe: What the?

Strafe gets out of the van and walks towards a giant hole full of dead bodies. He puts his hands on his sides and wonders how he's supposed to get around this, while looking visibly disgusted and sweaty.

Strafe: Jeez, you can't... ugh.

Strafe looks down into the hole, obviously regretting it and heads back to the van but is stopped by a child with a spear in his hands.

Strafe: Hey man, don't want no trouble it's just... pothole full of dead bodies.

The child only juts out his spear as Strafe steps back, his feet getting caught up in a net. The net closes around him and he tumbles to the road. Three children run over and pick him up.

Strafe: What's the big idea? Hey, my car's still running!

The children still don't say anything. They load Strafe into the back of the car as a young girl takes the wheel. The four other children get in the car and steer wildly as they head out to some place in the distance. It's not quite clear yet.

Strafe: What the hell?

A male child looks at him and does a throat-slitting movement with his finger.

Strafe: Don't do that.

The child does it again. Strafe sighs.

Strafe is loaded into a wheel chair with the netting still on him. The kids beat up the van with baseball bats and broken bottles and one even attempts to bite into tires to get them to deflate... which surprisingly works. One kid pushes Strafe into a bunch of boxes, causing the wheelchair and the boxes to fall over. They cut through his netting and tie his hands to a chair after taking his shirt and jacket off.

Strafe: Did you really have to take my shirt and jacket off?

Two kids push in a shirtless man who seems to be in his mid-30s. He looks scared.

Strafe: Wha-

The kids put on some strange mask on both Strafe and the other man. Strafe breathes heavy as one of the kids turns the key and is about to hit the button when all the sudden a tank goes through the wall.

Mysterious Voice Coming From Inside The Tank: What's up, FUCKERS?
Strafe: What the f-

The tank opens up to reveal a purple haired woman and a blue haired woman. The kids seem scared.

Kid: Scram! It's Leah and X-Ray!

The kids scram as Leah hops out of the tank and drags the chair with Strafe still on it towards the tank.

Strafe: Hey, what are you doing?
Leah: I just saved your shirtless ass. Although asses don't typically wear shirts... are you an ass?
Strafe: What? No!
Leah: Good! X-Ray, help me hoist this fucker up!

X-Ray grabs the top of the back of the chair and the two hoist Strafe inside of the tank.

Strafe: Aren't you guys gonna get me out of this thing?
Leah: Eh, we'll get there.

Leah drives the tank out of the hole it came through and they press forward into the desert.

Strafe: Who were those kids? What's even going on?
Leah: Those were The Rascals. They're nothing, don't even worry about it... as for your second question, that's what you're about to find out! Isn't that exciting?!

Strafe glumly looks on.

Chapter 2: Tanks for the Escape

Leah's tank goes through the desert landscape. She beats on the inside of the tank as Strafe looks around in his chair.

Strafe: So… about this “untying me” thing…
Leah: Later.
Strafe: Why'd you grab me anyway?

Leah looks at him.

Leah: Boy, you're just full of questions and nagging requests, huh?
Strafe: Look, I think these questions are kind of reasonable.
Leah: Well, look. You could sit back and enjoy the ride or you could keep pestering me until I lost it… which isn't a great idea.

Strafe just now realizes Leah's needle finger.

Strafe: What's… what's the story behind that?
Leah: …
Strafe: Fair enough, I suppose.

The tank stops as Leah climbs out. She looks about and then climbs back into the tank.

Strafe: We're here?
Leah: Yeah… let me cut you out of those ropes.

Leah slices the ropes keeping Strafe hostage. He feels his wrists as Leah and X-Ray climb out and follows them out to see… Noah.

Leah: Welcome to Noah!

Strafe sighs as he gets on top of the tank.

Leah: A city ruled by a thieves guild… sounds like paradise to me!

Leah rubs her hands together as she jumps onto the walls of Noah.

Leah: Just gotta…

She climbs on top of the wall. She helps X-Ray as she jumps over. Strafe attempts to jump over but misses the jump.

Strafe: It's fine… I'll just… hrm.
Leah: Climb back onto the tank, Strafe.
Strafe: Well…
Leah: What's wrong?
Strafe: Kind of wanted to leave Noah, not come back.
Leah: Lame…
Strafe: Noah's not a good place to be right now, Leah.

A young Strafe glances at the dead body of a woman with green hair. His mom. His dad has left the house but he can still hear the maniacal noises he makes.

Strafe: Mom?


Strafe: Mom?

Strafe goes over towards his mom, her body face down.

Strafe: Mom?!

Strafe watches as Leah and X-Ray leave without him as he stares at the wall of Noah. He silently taps the wall and then heads off into the desert. He thinks about taking the tank, but realizes Leah probably took the keys already. As he travels into the desert, he gets worried. What the heck did Leah want with Strafe anyway? There's no way she just randomly found him.

Strafe heads back and climbs the tank and then jumps, scaling the wall over.

Chapter 3: Late Night Happy Hour

Strafe looks around for Leah and X-Ray, not sure where they are. He's been searching for hours and the sun is setting. He should have given up a long time ago.

Strafe: Where are they?

Strafe glances around the city until he sees Leah on the steps of a bar.

Strafe: Leah?
Leah: Oh hey, Strafe! Where's Ella?
Strafe: What?
Leah: You know, that cute redhead… weren't you gonna marry her? Ah, you lucky man…
Strafe: Huh?
Leah: Oh wait a second… she left. Forget I said that, aha.
Strafe: Alright then.
Leah: Oh man though… you know why we're really here?
Strafe: No, why?
Leah: Gonna take some the rot diseased… you know, those guys. Zombie looking fellas.
Strafe: That's stuff's highly contagious…
Leah: Yeah, that's why I brought the suit.
Strafe: What the hell could you want with the Rot disease?
Leah: I'm a doctor, idiot. I plan on giving people I don't like it.
Strafe: Well, shit, why did you need me?
Leah: I just thought you were in town and figured we may as well pick you up.
Strafe: Mhmm…
Leah: Ah shit… you know what we should do? Take that big ol' tank and like…

Leah makes explosion sounds with her noise while expanding her arms out. Strafe looks at her weirdly.

Leah: Right out in the desert. It's a good idea.
Strafe: No, it's not.
Leah: Come on, help me drive it over there.
Strafe: No, Leah.

Leah sighs as she picks up a bottle of alcohol and devours its contents.

Strafe: God damn it.

Leah looks at him with a fierce look in her eyes and then attempts to stand up but staggers and then falls over.

Strafe: Leah?

X-Ray walks over.

X-Ray: Wow.
Strafe: Wow what? She's passed out or dead.
X-Ray: I was only in the bathroom for like two minutes... so I dunno how she got that drunk so fast...
Strafe: Hmm. Well… we better get out of here.

Strafe picks up Leah and carries her over his shoulder. X-Ray follows him out of Noah.

Chapter 4: Cannibals

Leah wakes up and sees Strafe driving the tank.

Leah: Hey, get off that!
Strafe: No, we're not going back to Noah.

Leah strangles Strafe, attempting to get the controls back. She puts her needlefinger close to his neck.

Leah: You know I'm gonna do it.
Strafe: What do you have in there?
Leah: Poison, doy. Your blood is gonna scald for five minutes before your skin turns into a cluster of sickly hives. Then the irritation sets in, unbelievable agony across your entire fleshscape, as you attempt to scrape away into nothing. And then once all your nerves have numbed, your heart starts beating an off-note hymn of death. As you sweat out what's left of your shambled, husk of the human condition, you hear only one thing. The laughter of Death herself.

Strafe sighs as he gives back the controls of the tank. He rubs his neck.

Leah: Thank you. Not really though.

Strafe takes a deep breath and rubs his fingers against his forehead before he hears a loud banging sound.

Strafe: What's making that godawful racket…?
Leah: I dunno, you figure it out, dipshit.
Strafe: Do we have any windows or…?
Leah: Have you seen any windows in a tank?
Strafe: No?
Leah: Then look up, dumb ass.

Strafe rolls his eyes as he heads up the ladder. He sees a bunch of people firing at them, with meat hanging off their clothes. He spots on with a rocket launcher. He jumps down.

Strafe: Leah, we need to leave the tank right now.
Leah: Oh goddamn it, what is it?
Strafe: People are firing at us.
Leah: Well Strafe, I don't think you've noticed but this is a goddamn fuc-

The tank suddenly flips onto it's back due to an explosion in the front. Strafe's hearing rings as he opens his eyes. Leah groans as she feels blood pour from her head. X-Ray is just entirely out but breathing slowly. Leah slams the opening of the tank as she covers her wounds.

Leah: Who in the hell- DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

A man approaches Leah as she crawls out of the tank.

The man: People who wanna eat.
Leah: You guys eat tanks?
The man: No, something far more dangerous. Man.
Strafe: I don't like where this is going.
Leah: You know, you could just SAY you're cannibals. That's what you are, right?
The man: Well, we don't usually like using that word because it scares people off but... yes.

Leah crawls out of the tank and attempts to run past the man. He grabs her military jacket.

The man: Where are you running off to?

Leah slips off her jacket and continues running. The man sighs as he heads towards the tank's entrance.

Strafe: I don't think it's entirely the best idea to-
The man: Nobody wants to be eaten when it comes down to it.

The man licks his lips as Leah suddenly jumps off the top of the ruined tank and kicks him square in the face. She grabs her jacket and grabs Strafe.

Leah: Wait a second, how are we gonna get X-Ray out of there?
Strafe: Hmm…

Strafe spots a jeep in the distance.

Strafe: I'm gonna go for it.
Leah: Alright.

Leah gives an extra kick to the man's face.

Chapter 5: Free Ride

Strafe runs over to the jeep but a man with a gun and meat hanging off his clothes jumps up in front of him. Strafe attempts to swerve to the left but the man's already one step ahead of him. Strafe punches him and grabs the keys hanging out of the dude's jacket, surprised to learn these are the jeep keys as he inserts them into the jeep. He backs up and travels down the sand.

Leah: Okay, hey, over here.

Strafe pulls the jeep up to where Leah and X-Ray are. X-Ray's body lays in the back seat as Leah carefully buckles her up as Strafe speeds away. She sits in the space between the seats as gunshots fire and miss.

Leah: Well, look where you got us.
Strafe: Well, we wouldn't even be here if you didn't try and go back to Noah!
Leah: You're the fucking idiot who didn't want to stay in Noah!
Strafe: Yeah, call me that when you have a bullet through your rib cage.
Leah: Maybe I will. You'll never know.
Strafe: Urgh.
Leah: Where were you gonna go anyway?
Strafe: I dunno… away from there, I guess.
Leah: Well… looks like we're out of range or whatever from the cannibals. You wanna tell me what's so bad about Noah?
Strafe: You can't keep up a gang-ruled city forever. It's a civil war in there.
Leah: Seemed fairly peaceful, all things considered.
Strafe: Look, I'm not exactly sure what's going on in there myself, but it's only beginning at the moment. It's mostly politics at the moment, but all it takes is for one incident…

Leah stares at the window and then back down at X-Ray.

Strafe: Well, as long as we're talking back stories, you may as well talk about your's.
Leah: That can wait. Holy shit, I see some bodies to loot. Stop the car.

Strafe rolls his eyes as he stops the car. Leah gets out as X-Ray groggily wakes up.

X-Ray: Woah jeez, don't remember being in a jeep.
Strafe: You were out when the tank flipped over. We met a bunch of cannibals, stole a jeep, Leah brought your unconscious body to the jeep and then went out of their range.
X-Ray: Leah didn't leave me to die?
Strafe: Does she do that often?

X-Ray shrugs. Strafe and X-Ray hear screaming from afar.


Strafe and X-Ray hastily exit the vehicle as they see Leah tackling a black-haired woman.

Leah: Get off me, you fucker!
Other Woman: Give me back my stuff!
Leah: NO!

Strafe sighs.

Strafe: What's going on?

A black girl with strange metal sunglasses of some sort looks at him.

Black Girl: My uh… huh… friend thought you guys were bandits.
Strafe: Well, yeah, it's kind of easy to see Leah being that.
Black Girl: You guys aren't bandits?
Strafe: Frankly, I don't know what we are.

The woman and Leah roll down a hill. Leah spits on the woman's face and the woman loses her grip, letting Leah roll to the bottom of the hill. She gets up and loads her gun.

Leah: Time for you to get back into your sandy grave.
X-Ray: Leah, stop!

Leah puts down her gun as she looks up at the X-Ray. The blue haired woman looks kind of angry at her. Leah puts away her gun away in shame.

Leah: Alright, X-Ray.

X-Ray smiles as Leah is hands back her stuff to the other woman. Leah attempts to play victim as the other woman shoots her a cross look.

Black Girl: What's your name?
Strafe: It's Strafe.
Other Woman: What kind of name is Strafe?
Strafe: What? What's so weird about Strafe?
Other Woman: Nothing…
Strafe: Let's hear your name, then.
Other Woman: It's… Rachel?
Strafe: What kind of name is Rachel?
Rachel: A good one?
Rachel: Hey, can we ask you guys to do a favor for us?
Leah: (sarcastic) Oh sure! What is it?
Rachel: Well, apparently this alien named Unten is going to land somewhere out here so I was just thinking that maybe you could lend us some help with finding him or…
Leah: Slow the fuck down. What?
Rachel: I don't really have time to explain this. An alien spacecraft is going to crash land somewhere out here and we need to get over there.

The jeep drives off as Rachel and Robyn (the black girl) run after it.

Strafe: Hey, what the hell?
Leah: Oh what, you believe that zany story?
Strafe: Well… not really but I mean what's the harm in it-
Leah: Oh my god, you like her, don't you?!

Strafe stays silent as Leah laughs.

Leah: Oh god, this is rich!

Leah laughs again as X-Ray looks out the back window.

X-Ray: Leah, we need to go back.

Leah sighs as she turns the jeep around.

Leah: Alright… hey, what the hell? Now they're running away from me!

The jeep catches up with Rachel and Robyn and Leah grabs the two.

Rachel: Can't you leave us alone?
Leah: Well, I would have left you to die but X-Ray said to go back. So get in the jeep and I guess we'll find your alien… supposing this isn't some elaborate set up to rob us.
Rachel: Well, tell X-Ray I said thanks.
Leah: This better be a good alien. I don't want any of that greys shit. You know, the stupid aliens with the big eyes and big stupid heads? Fuck those guys. They're the worst. Everyone thinks “oh man, that shit's an alien”. You wanna know what really looks like an alien?
Rachel: Not really.
Leah: Eh… you'll probably see it anyway. Warning, it's in the back of the jeep.

Rachel and Robyn enter the jeep and go in the back seat. Out of curiosity, Robyn looks at the back of the jeep and finds a dead squid. She sits in her seat noticeably disturbed.

Leah: Yeah, I dunno what those cannibals eat. Humans or something? Fuck if I know.

Chapter 6: Father

The jeep bustles with conversation as Rachel, Robyn, Leah, X-Ray, and Strafe get to know each other.

Rachel: So what are you guys doing out here anyway?
Strafe: It's a long story… I was getting out of Noah, wasn't really sure where I was going exactly but Noah's kind of been under unrest and what not. They haven't closed off airlines yet but I imagine they will sooner or not. The image of my father killing my mother crossed my mind a lot recently and I just… I needed to get away.
Rachel: What are Leah and X-Ray doing out here?
Strafe: I'm not sure about them.
Leah: It's none of your concern, miss.
Strafe: We met at like where a bunch of kids wearing gas masks and pig masks were. Lord of the Flies type shit. I was tied up to a chair and about to be strapped into some kind of machine but then they burst through the wall and kidnapped me.
Leah: God, shut up. It wasn't kidnapping.
Strafe: I mean, I was pretty happy to get out either way… what about you?
Rachel: Me? Uh… well I find these tattoos on my arms one morning and I don't know where they come from but I go into work and this alien starts attacking once it wakes up from the ice cooler… everything's a blur really. I've been just getting these impulses and me and Robyn have been just trying to figure out what they mean.
Strafe: And what do they mean?
Rachel: One was like “turn your life around” and the other was “Find Unten”. I guess we're kind of doing both.

A bright blue streak crosses the night sky and lands in the distance of Noah's outskirts.

Rachel: I think that's Unten!
Strafe: Huh…

The jeep speeds over as Leah gets out of the driver's seat to touch the rocket ship. She barely notices Rachel and Robyn, who came running over almost as quickly as she did.

Rachel: Is that him?
Robyn: The blue thing?
Rachel: Looks kind of… sad.
Robyn: Are you Unten?
Unten: Does it matter?
Rachel: Kind of!

Unten sighs.

Unten: Why would it? Isn't my own personal misery enough punishment?
Rachel: Hang on, Unten, we're coming in there!
Rachel: Alright, you go get him because you're the only one small enough to grab him.
Robyn: Me?
Rachel: Yeah. Go.

Robyn rolls her eyes and ducks under the wreckage and grabs Unten's body.

Robyn: Come on, buddy.

Unten just lays there as Robyn pulls on him endlessly. Robyn hears metal snap off as Leah comes in, only to look incredibly disappointed.

Leah: Well, it's not a grey at least… fuck this.
Robyn: Hey, aren't you gonna help me out?
Leah: What? Why would I help you?

Leah leaves the scene utterly confused as Robyn pulls Unten out. Rachel grabs his other arm.

Leah: Well, it's not a fuckin' gray at least. Come on Strafe, we're going.
Strafe: But…
Leah: What, you think we got time for this disappointing shit?
Strafe: I wanted to see the alien…
Leah: Chances are you're gonna see him a lot to the point where you hate his ugly blue face that has those goddamn stars in his eyes.
Strafe: Do you hear that?
Leah: ...helicopters? What the hell?
Strafe: Are you wanted by the United States of America?
Leah: Not that I know of. The navy called last week but I declined their offer after they told me I couldn't and I quote “waterboard those bastards with fedoras”. Look, it's a reasonable request if I'm gonna join some national level sea army and waste two years of my life.
Strafe: So what do we do now? Drive aimlessly?
Leah: Yo… there's a dude in the desert. I'm gonna run him over.
Strafe: Leah, come on, don't…
Leah: I'm gonna do it.
Strafe: Christ…

Leah speeds towards the man.

Strafe: Wait a second…
Leah: What? I was joking about running him over, you got me.
Strafe: No…

Leah looks at the man.

Leah: Bleh. I can see why you wanted me to look, that's the ugliest motherfucker I've seen since I met you…
Strafe: He's my father. Lock.
Leah: Wait, what the fuck?

Leah looks Lock and then at Strafe.

Leah: Dang, you look pretty close… if you looked any more unhinged and like called yourself “Dark Strafe” I would... like, mistake you guys for twins.
Strafe: I dunno what he's doing though…
Leah: Yeah, he's kind of just standing around smiling, huh?
Strafe: Leah-

Strafe goes silent as suddenly Lock unleashes a dark-based attack, his eyes glowing a dark red. Everyone is knocked out. Lock grabs X-Ray and enters through a dark portal.

Chapter 7: Kidnapped

Leah wakes up to see a scorpion on Strafe's back.

Leah: Hey.

Strafe groggily wakes up.

Leah: Strafe, don't move.
Strafe: Oh shit, what?
Leah: There's a scorpion on your back.
Strafe: Shit! Kill it!
Leah: Nah… don't wanna risk it, you know? Guess you'll just be out in the desert alone until he decides to hop off, you know? I mean, sorry that it's come down to this but I mean… I can't really just stick around to wait for you to get that scorpion off. Just gotta find X-Ray and get out of here, you know?
Strafe: X-Ray? Tell Leah to do something about the scorpion…

Leah looks around.

Leah: ...where is she?
Strafe: Do you think someone….
Leah: Nobody steals X-Ray… what the fuck? Do they know who I am?
Strafe: I could help in getting her back.

Leah ponders over it for a bit.

Leah: Goddamn it.

Leah simply stabs the scorpion with the needle, killing it.

Strafe: Are you kidding me? It was that easy?
Leah: Strafe, I don't know how you're so clueless to think I want you around.
Strafe: Well jeez, if you feel that way…
Leah: Whatever. I don't have a reason to ditch you at the moment, let's go get X-Ray, okay?
Strafe: What is it about you and X-Ray?
Leah: Look, you're never gonna get the backstory if you just keep asking for it, that's not how it works. It'll come up when it comes up.
Strafe: Look, I'm not even that interested! I just want to know why you do the things you do!
Leah: Well, if that's how it is then I'm definitely not telling you.

Strafe sighs.

Leah: Alright, could you help me turn back over the jeep? God, can you imagine if we had to walk out here?

Leah drives the jeep around as Strafe presses his face against his hand, looking out the window.

Leah: What's your problem?
Strafe: Guess.
Leah: Nah, I haven't really been paying attention to whatever you say.
Strafe: Well, I guess I shouldn't bother then.
Leah: Well, stop breathing on the glass. I don't want it all gross when we get X-Ray back.
Strafe: Right… if we do that.
Leah: We are.

A large man with a mechanical arm and meat hanging off his clothes walks towards a bunch of the cannibals we saw earlier.

Large man: Oh you've got to be kidding me. Three bodies of a bunch of idiots outside Noah and you didn't grab ANY of them?
Cannibalite 1: We tried, Joel, but they just slipped through our fingers!
Joel: Y'know the meat's only gonna last so long… that's why you need fresh meat.
Cannibalite 1: What do you suppose we do now?
Joel: Well, it's not a huge loss right now. They're out there still, presumably. And there will always be someone we can find…

A dark portal opens, which Lock comes through carrying X-Ray's comatose body.

Joel: Who are you?
Lock: The name's Lock. I see you've got quite the army here.
Joel: Well, I don't mean to brag but as long as you're talking about it…
Lock: Tell you what… I can get those two other “bodies”, maybe some more and all you have to do is assure me some charge of this army you've got. What do you say to that?
Joel: Well… hm. Not sure about this to be honest…
Lock: I suppose I retract my offer then… shame she'll just be a desert meal for the buzzards but I guess that's what you want.
Joel: Wait, no.

Lock outreaches his hand towards Joel, who shakes it.

Joel: Joseph!

A black man sits up and walks over towards Joel.

Joseph: Yeah?
Joel: Take her to the holding cells.

Joseph looks at X-Ray.

Jospeh: Whatever you say…

Joseph carries X-Ray's body into a dark room with a bunch of human-sized cages. All of them are empty. As Joseph looks around, X-Ray stirs.

X-Ray: Hrm?

Joesph drops X-Ray to the ground. She looks at him and around the room.

X-Ray: Oh man, what happened now? Where's Leah and Strafe?
Joseph: I dunno… maybe they'll come around.
X-Ray: So what are all the cages for?
Joseph: ...really large birds. Listen, you need to stay in here, okay? Not that you would be able to get out but…
X-Ray: Oh, okay.
Joseph: took that pretty well.
X-Ray: Well, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? You seem pretty friendly…
Joseph: Ha… alright. I'll give you a meal in like two hours, you just stay in here, okay?
X-Ray: Got it!
Joseph: Alright.

Joseph closes and locks the door. He places his hand over his head.

Joseph: Goddamn it.

Chapter 8: Changing of the Desert Tides

Strafe and Leah go over a sandy hill in the jeep.

Strafe: This probably isn't good for mileage. What the hell do we do when we run out of gas?
Leah: Oh you and your “mileage” and “gas” worries. Everyone knows cars can just run for ever…

The car engine gives out midway through traveling up a hill, causing the jeep to roll back.

Leah: Shit.
Strafe: What?
Leah: It's dead.
Strafe: What do we do now?
Leah: Find gas.
Strafe: We're not gonna find gas out in the middle of the desert.
Leah: Strafe, we're gonna find gas if it kills me. Then they can make a big statue of me formed from sandstone and it like oozes out gasoline when you press a little button that says “press here”. Yeah, it'll be expensive, but you're gonna make it happen.
Strafe: I barely know you, why would I do that?
Leah: Well, I'm not exactly being literal here. Although if we're gonna be honest, I already wrote up my will.
Strafe: Are you afraid of dying?
Leah: Right now? Nah… just gotta look forward into the future if you wanna be ready.
Strafe: So… where should we start looking? We're pretty far out.
Leah: Hm. You think Unten's ship has any gas in it?
Strafe: I don't even think we're close to it, to be honest…
Leah: Nonsense! We were just driving away from it, now we just walk over back. It's only been a couple hours and if there's government agents there I can just… you know… kill em.
Strafe: Well, I don't have any other plans so…
Leah: Alright, raid the jeep for any weapons or food. We may be out there for a while.

Leah opens the trunk of the jeep and grabs the dead squid and ties it to herself with rope.

Leah: Sushi.
Strafe: I don't think- alright.

Strafe finds a Desert Eagle and a holster to put on his back.

Strafe: I've been just using a shitty pistol.
Leah: Oo, look, they got a skull.
Strafe: What the…
Leah: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Strafe, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.
Strafe: The hell?
Leah:'s Hamlet.
Strafe: Huh?
'Leah: It's a Shakespeare play. Come on. You got a signal and cellphone? Read it while we're heading over there.
Strafe: Mmm, alright…

Strafe pulls out his crappy flip phone which Leah scoffs at.

Leah: Oh, I bet you still use Windows XP too.
Strafe: There are other Windows out there?
Leah: It was released in 2001 so yeah…
Strafe: Huh.

Joseph comes with X-Ray's lunch, a nice meal with mashed potatoes and white chicken. She eats it as he exits out and heads to the wooden tables with the rest of the cannibals to eat his dismal meal of “protein stuff”.

Cannibalite 1: Why are you eating that shit? You realize the meal's chicken, right?
Joseph: Oh, I know.
Cannibalite 1: Whatever.

Lock drinks a Pepsi as he watches the cannibals eat.

Lock: So, Joel, tell me what you do with all these men. I can't assume they just sit around on their asses all day…
Joel: Well, I do get them to dig up holes.
Lock: Holes? Why?
Joel: Builds character...
Lock: Hm.

Lock sips more of the Pepsi as he watches the men eat.

Joel: Say, aren't you hot in those clothes?
Lock: Well, I am pretty sexy if I do say so myself.
Joel: Yeah… alright.

Leah and Strafe are regretting this so hard.

Leah: God damn it. I knew we should have gotten gas, I told you!
Strafe: No, you didn't.
Leah: Wanna fight me, punk?
Strafe: I would if the inside of my body wasn't sand.

Leah slugs completely away from Strafe.

Leah: That'll teach you…

Leah keeps punching the air as Strafe looks ahead towards the crash site. He notices something dark looming in the distance.

Strafe: Leah.
Leah: Yeah, what the hell do you want? You've had enough?
Strafe: Sandstorm.
Leah: Man, that little sandstorm ain't gonna do shit…
Strafe: Come on, we need to get to higher ground.

Leah rolls her eyes as she follows Strafe towards the higher ranges of the the desert.

As the sandstorm passes, Strafe and Leah hop down towards the crash site.

Leah: Haha, wow, look at all the sand it blew over.
Strafe: Yeah… hm.
Leah: What's wrong?
Strafe: Nothing.

Leah and Strafe head towards the crash site as the camera pans over to a some unknown third person watching them.

Chapter 9: Warzones

Leah and Strafe finally get to the crash site. Strafe takes out his desert eagle as Leah takes out the skull.

Strafe: The rocket's still here, that's nice.

Leah breaks open the glass with the skull. She glances inside to see pretty much nothing, as she expected.

Leah: Is there a fuel gauge or something?
Strafe: I dunno where that would even be…
Leah: Well... get looking.

Strafe looks over the rocket, looking for something containing fuel. A female agent comes out from the rockets behind him, not making a sound as Strafe taps on the rocket.

Strafe: Yeah, I'm not finding anything.
Leah: Did I tell you to stop looking?

Strafe sighs as he starts digging out the rocket from the sand. He feels the cold metal of a gun pressed against his neck.

Strafe: Alright Leah, this isn't funny.
Leah: I'm not even close to you, dick.

Strafe looks around to see the female agent with a gun close to him. He drops the desert eagle.

Agent: What are you doing with American equipment?
Strafe: American equipment? Pretty sure this isn't your's.
Leah: Yeah, your rockets fucking suck in comparison to this shit…

The female agent pulls out a second gun and aims it at Leah.

Leah: I retract my previous statement.
Agent: What are you doing with American equipment?
Strafe: We wanted to get some goddamn fuel, is that too much to ask?
Leah: Yeah.
Agent: You two are under U.S arrest.
Leah: Yeah. alright, try doing that in a country that is clearly not the United States.
Agent: That's why I added the “U.S” part to “Arrest”.
Leah: Fair point but still… I doubt you can do that.
Agent: I have a fair amount of reason to believe you're spies. After all, who would go all the way out here for fuel? No, you want the intelligence.
Leah: Yeah but it's not the United States.
Agent: It really doesn't matter, does it? It's a warzone. Nobody's gonna care what happens to you.
Leah: Phh. Well, if we're gonna play that game…

Leah lunges towards the agent who just simply sidesteps and then hits her from the left.

Agent: So you can either comply with me or-

The agent is caught into an explosion.

Strafe: Holy shit!
Leah: I'm alright.
Strafe: Oh…

Strafe sighs as Leah looks over at the damage.

Leah: Must be a minefield they didn't bother clearing out from a war long-gone by.
Strafe: Shit. We're in a minefield?
Leah: I guess. I dunno. You wanna look for more of that fuel which they probably drained already or what?
Strafe: Well, I hear a bunch of people running over to find out what the sound was… so it might be time to head out.
Leah: Shit. Oh by the way… don't look at the body.

Strafe's curiosity gets the best at him and he nearly throws up. Leah starts running as the American soldiers start coming in. Strafe picks up the desert eagle and starts running out.

After getting a good amount of distance away from the soldiers, Leah and Strafe take a rest.

Leah: Well, that was a waste of time.
Strafe: Still shaken up by that whole thing… god.

Strafe shakes his head.

Leah: I've seen nastier. I've done nastier, now that I think about it…
Strafe: God…

Strafe flashes back to seeing his dead mom again. Leah quickly slaps him out if it.

Leah: Yeah, I didn't really care for it the first time you flashbacked to it.
Strafe: So… what now? We're wanted by a bunch of cannibals and the American Armed forces.
Leah: We find more people to piss off. Come on, let's go, you mad maximilian.

Strafe groans as Leah heads back in the direction of the jeep.

Chapter 10: Gospel of the Unknown

Joel and Lock watch as the men dig up a bunch of holes. Lock still seems to be at loss for the actual point of it.

Joel: So what about those other two?
Lock: Patience. If I just gave them to you now, I would have no bargaining power, now would I?
Joel: Not a ton of people are that straightforward with that.
Lock: Well… I'm an exception to that rule.
Joel: So what are you gonna do? Sit on your ass all day?
Lock: Nah, I have errands to run soon… just checking the army I bargained for.

A truck enters the settlement.

Joel: Oh hey, there comes the truck with the gasoline tanks.
Lock: What do you suppose you'll do about your missing jeep?

Joel: It's not too hard to find another one out here.
Lock: You seem awfully calm for a cannibal.
Joel: Ah, you haven't seen me eat yet.
Lock: Not sure if my bile fascination really needs to see that.
Joel: It's only a meal. Surely you know what that is?
Lock: But surely you feel bad on some level for eating what is a living, thinking human being?
Joel: Maybe a long time ago… but the sense of addiction of eating the greatest game has dulled that sense.
Lock: Ah well…

Joseph appears to have been listening as Lock glances over to him. He quickly heads back to work as Lock takes notice.

Joseph visits the captivity room and sees X-Ray who seems bored. She swings the cages as she walks past them.

Joseph: You alright?
X-Ray: Yeah, just bored I guess.
Joseph: Could I get you anything?
X-Ray: I guess some batteries… oh maybe some new clothes if you can manage that? I dunno how rare they are out here?
Joseph: Yeah... sure.

Joseph locks the door behind him as he leaves, although visibly upset about it.

Leah feels her lip. Strafe looks at her.

Strafe: What's wrong with you?
Leah: Nothing, just… got this cut sensation just about everywhere. Like my blood's about to spill at any given moment, you know? Pricking against the skin, waiting for a cut to set it free…
Strafe: Can't say I've felt that.
Leah: Well, you weren't three feet away from being blown up either.
Strafe: I was still pretty close, all things considered.
Leah: Yeah, but not as close as me.
Strafe: I can get close to you.
Leah: Aw gross, don't. Jeez, what the fuck.
Strafe: Sorry.
Leah: Yo… is that a church?
Strafe: What is a church doing outside Noah?
Leah: I dunno. They got a big ol' statue of some angel or some shit…

Leah and Strafe walk over to the church, which has been destroyed, the stained glass shattered and thoroughly raided out.

Leah: Mm… not gonna be very useful. I mean, I doubted a church would have gas to begin with but it seems pretty raided out.
Strafe: This seems to be a really old church… I've never seen anything like this taught before.

Strafe shows Leah some manuscripts that have been torn up a bit but still have visible illustrations of blood and body parts floating in vast skinscapes.

Leah: Huh.
Strafe: Say… that angel looks kind of familiar too.
Leah: Oh my god.
Strafe: What?
Leah: It's X-Ray.

Strafe glances over manuscripts.

Strafe: Xenera, apparently.
Leah: This is so weird… I never learned this shit. Say… their god kind of looks like me but uglier. A-L-M-I-G-H-T-Y? Why spell that shit out?

They hear a jeep pull up. Leah and Strafe hide under the seats. Joseph looks through the debris and walks into the opening created by the shattered windows.

Joseph: Hmm…

Joseph opens up a cabinet and sees a white dress hanging on a hanger. It's kind of been eaten by moths but it'll have to do. He leaves and the sound of the jeep heading off is heard.

Leah: Well, he's gone.
Strafe: What was he in here for? He was one of those cannibals, right?
Leah: He was looking for a dress.
Strafe: Hmm.
Leah: So, do we run after his jeep and take it?
Strafe: I don't wanna run… I just wanna sleep.
Leah: That's… actually not too bad of an idea. Good job.

Leah and Strafe sleep on separate benches in the church.

Joseph sneaks the dress and a pack of batteries in. X-Ray grabs the batteries and puts them in her Gameboy and is delighted to see it light up. Joseph leaves to grab dinner. Cannibal Joel is standing up with a man with a black eye.

Cannibal Joel: Well, well. Look at Clinton everyone! He decided to try and get a uprising going but… you can't just slip past my eye like that. He became a traitor... and now the traitor becomes food.
Clinton: Agh!

Two cannibals lock him into a guillotine and the rope is cut. Offscreen we hear Clinton go silent as Joseph winces.

Cannibal Joel: Clinton will be available to eat in two hours.

The cannibals cheer except for Joseph, who seems a bit concerned. He grabs X-Ray's meal and a steak dinner.

Joseph hands X-Ray the steak dinner.

X-Ray: Wow, they give you such crappy food… what is that?
Joseph: Protein mush.
X-Ray: Does it taste any good?
Joseph: Ehh…
X-Ray: Well, I mean if you want the steak, I'm cool with it…
Joseph: Nah, you can have it.
X-Ray: You sure?
Joseph: Yeah, don't worry about it.

Joseph leaves and locks the door. He heads to his tent and using the back of the meal plan and a nearly dried out marker he starts formulating a plan.

Chapter 11: Son of a Goddess

Strafe is having a dream where he is falling… or ascending. He doesn't know for sure, all he knows is that he's been suspended in the air for a while. He lands on some white marble and sees a man that he “understands” is Black God. He only understands his name though.

Black God gets up from a throne of white and sits down on a throne of black. He sighs deeply.

Strafe: Hey?

Black God turns around.

Black God: Oh hey! If it isn't Strafe, Palutena and Lock's kid!
Strafe: Alright…
Black God: Oh hey, you're probably confused. I'm your uncle or Palutena's brother, although I'm more known for being White Goddess' brother.
Strafe: Well, this dream is pretty good so far…
Black God: Dream?

Black God sees Tennu drift by.

Black God: Oh yeah. You see that guy? I don't know what his deal is but he creeps me out.
Strafe: Yeah… hrm.
Black God: Anyway… I dunno what you're doing here. Or what I'm doing here? I dunno, god things are weird. It's been too long since I got to do any of that stuff so I've been just kind of stumbling upon that stuff.
Strafe: So wait, is the implication here that my mom was a goddess?
Black God: Oh you didn't know?
Strafe: No… I thought my dad was being really metaphorical.
Black God: Oh yeah, Lock. Real piece of shit.
Strafe: Can't be understated enough.
Black God: Well, I'm kind of bored up here, y'know.
Strafe: Say… where's White Goddess? I assume you're sitting in her throne?
Black God: Oh, her? She's kind of messed up, you know… they keep giving her second chances and she doesn't really use them to prove she's improved since the Shattering… which I probably shouldn't have mentioned but whatever! What's up with you?
Strafe: We're looking for gas for a jeep in the middle of a desert. I'm sleeping inside of a church with a maniac with her pinkie finger replaced with a needle.
Black God: Oh.
Strafe: So… this is “real” in a sense, right?
Black God: Well, yeah, I guess. The way these dreams seem to work is that we communicate when we're both asleep or something. Honestly, do you think I know?
Strafe: Nah, I wasn't expecting a real answer.
Black God: I don't think the conversation we're having is fake, but I guess it's not real in that sense that we're not physically here.
Strafe: Wait, so if I'm the son of a goddess, do I get any cool powers?
Black God: Maybe? I never had any kids.
Strafe: Hrm.
Black God: Not that I'm opposed to the idea, mind you.
Strafe: Right.
Black God: Real ho-hum conversation, huh? Just talking with your uncle about your mom.
Strafe: Do you know what made Lock go crazy…?
Black God: Well-

Strafe wakes up. Leah groggily wakes up as Strafe notices a giant dog on him, growling.

Strafe: Leah…

Leah looks at Strafe and then starts heading out of the church.

Strafe: LEAH!
Leah: You think I'm getting near that thing?
Strafe: ...yes?
Leah: Phahaha...

Leah exits the church to see Lock standing there.

Leah: Goddamn it.
Lock: We haven't properly met, have we?
Leah: I would hope not.
Lock: We're about to learn a lot about you.
Leah: Yeah, I don't think so.

Leah attempts to kick Lock in the nuts but instead her foot gets dragged into a dark portal. Lock comes near her as she gets enveloped into a dark portal.

Lock: Off you go!

Lock pushes Leah in and the dog that was on Strafe disappears into black mist. Strafe sits up and notices that Lock and Leah are gone.

Strafe: Fuck.

Strafe stares into a fountain of holy water in the church; the canine apparently sunk some it's claws into his arms, leaving some small cuts. He glances at the water as red drops sink into the holy water. He looks around for Leah but realizes again, she's gone.

Strafe: Goddamn it!

Strafe tips over the fountain and looks around for bandages or something to hold the bleeding back. He figures most of it must have been raided by now.

Strafe: Goddamn it, goddamn it…

Strafe places his hands against his hair, pulling at it. He can't just let the wounds be like they are…

Strafe: Good god…
Voice: Goddess.

Strafe looks behind him.

Leah lands in some kind of dark place. There's a bunch of television screens with people screaming silently, vein-like structures flowing down to the floor… some kind of hivemind. Lock taps her shoulder.

Lock: Welcome to the Darkness.
Leah: Oh, very original.
Lock: It's not really, but I'm flattered that you think so.
Leah: Alright, what's the big deal?
Lock: Well, as soon as a spirit arrives, you're gonna become part of the hivemind! I'll have privy to your secrets… secrets of the old universe.
Leah: Oh, how the fuck do you know that?
Lock: You say a lot of shit when you're drunk.
Leah: Hmm… hope I didn't say anything embarrassing.
Lock: Something about “Ella” having a nice butt?
Leah: Okay, that's a lie.

Lock raises his eyebrows.

Leah: Anyway… I don't wanna be part of this dumb hivemind thing so if I could just head back…
Lock: What, you think you get a choice in this?
Leah: Laughably, yes.

Leah snaps Lock's arm into a position where she can break it.

Leah: You better let me out.
Lock: Such haste. I've got time though…

Lock pushes Leah down to the ground. He grabs a spirit passing through the air.

Lock: I am an immortal mind.

Leah attempts to kick Lock in the nuts, only to find herself going through another dark portal. She grins and heads inside as Lock who has been relocated attempts to run after her. The portal closes as Lock curses.

Strafe looks at the person who appeared in the room.

Strafe: Who are you?
Voice: Just me, you know. Palutena.
Strafe: I thought you died.
Palutena: Well, yeah, that mortal body died.

Palutena flicks her staff and heals Strafe of his wounds.

Palutena: There you go, some deus ex machina.
Strafe: Boy, that really took the tension out of everything... but thanks. ...why show up now?
Palutena: Black God.
Strafe: You didn't want me to know you were still alive.
Palutena: Well, you can look at it that way, sure.
Strafe: So… what now?
Palutena: Well, I could only show up in a holy place for right now so as soon as you leave the church… I go too.
Strafe: Hmm. I could go out there, risk my life getting X-Ray back from a bunch of cannibals while being prodded by a crazy woman while being hunted by my father or… stay here I guess.
Palutena: It's not an easy choice is it?
Strafe: Nothing's worked out like I wanted it to but… maybe that's just how it has to be. You'll be in contact somehow, right?
Palutena: Who knows for sure, really. Might be the last time we see each other.
Strafe: Nothing about gods make sense, huh?
Palutena: It's a complicated rule book.
Strafe: Well, I gotta find some gas. Then I gotta find X-Ray and Leah. Whatever happens after that… I'll just have to roll with.

Palutena bows as Strafe heads out of the church.

Chapter 12: Tread Lightly

Leah lands in the middle of nowhere.

Leah: Where the hell am I?

Leah looks around. It's kind of a mountainous area.

Leah: I wonder if Lock can even track me… creep.

Leah looks at a stick lying on the ground and a collection of dog tags.

Leah: Must be the racist part of the outlands.
Voice: Who the hell out there?
Leah: Shit!

A Lucario with a shotgun comes out the cave. Leah grabs the stick and starts heading down the mountain.

Lucario: Damn Americans!

Gunshots can be heard as Leah starts practically running down the mountain.

Strafe hears the gunshots in the distance.

Strafe: Hmm, well, somebody's dead.

The wind picks up. Strafe covers his eyes to keep the sand out.

Strafe: Ergh!

The wind dies down as Strafe puts his hand down and keeps trudging forward.

Joseph heads to the human containment room. He unbolts one of the cages off the ceiling. X-Ray watches as it drops to the floor, clanging with a hollow metal sound.

X-Ray: Hmm?
Joseph: Alright, you trust me enough that when I say the cage is your ticket to freedom, you believe me, right?

X-Ray thinks for a bit.

X-Ray: Yeah.
Joseph: Alright, hop in.

X-Ray sits in the cage as Joseph lifts it out. It's early enough in the day that nobody else is awake.

Joseph: Not as heavy as you thought you would be.
X-Ray: Is that a bad thing?
Joseph: Oh god, no.

X-Ray smiles at Joseph for a second before she's set on the back of a truck. Joseph pulls the truck out and speeds away from the cannibal camp. Cannibal Joel's eyes widen as he hears it take off.

Cannibal Joel: Dammit, Joseph…

He runs out of the tent and sees the truck in the distance. He clangs the dinner bell, getting the cannibals out in a hurry.

Cannibal Joel: Sorry, no food yet, but Joseph just took off with the meal. Of course… you know what that means.

Cannibal Joel enters a car that's covered in barb wire with a cannibal chained to the top of the car, holding a guitar. The car takes off.

Cannibal Joel: MANHUNT!!!

Dozens of cars empty out of the camp as Joseph looks in the rear view mirror. Shit's getting real.

Leah walks down to the bottom of the mountain trail and hears a bunch of engines roaring.

Leah: I didn't know they had a motor show out here in the middle of goddamn nowhere.

Leah looks out from the rocks to see the cars chase after Joseph. The sun rises and so does her anger.

Leah: They've got X-Ray, those goddamn FUCKERS!

Leah storms down as her words echo.

Strafe hears a faint “fuckers!” as he hears the sound of engines. Suddenly, Joseph's truck speeds past him and he spots X-Ray in a cage.

Strafe: The fuck?

Strafe spots the other cars coming. He begins running away from the chaos but finds that it will be difficult outspeeding a bunch of angry cannibals in cars.

Strafe: Shit!

Strafe decides to jump onto a speeding truck's back like an idiot. As he stands up in the truck's back, he notices a cannibal chained to the ground. The cannibal attempts to bite him but misses and falls over, the chains preventing him from rolling out. The cannibal spins in the sand as Strafe takes out the Desert Eagle and smashes through the back window. The cannibal driver looks at him as he slams the back of his head.

Strafe: A little violent but whatever… now gotta steer the damn thing.

Strafe quickly pushes open the driver door as the truck swerves to the right. As Strafe jumps in, he pushes everything out of his way as quickly as he can, attempting to get the truck moving straight. The door smashes against a car and falls off, falling into the sand. Strafe gets it upright and speeds forward.

Strafe: Jesus christ… alright, alright. Come on.
Leah: (distant) GahhHHHHH!

Leah grabs the passenger door as Strafe jumps a bit.

Strafe: Leah?
Leah: Blue haired douchebag?
Strafe: Close enough.
Leah: Go faster. Come on, we don't have all day.
Strafe: I'm literally going as fast as I can. Speaking of the day, it just kind of began…
Leah: Yeah, let's not ponder on that. Let's go go!

Strafe notices something black moving near them. Probably Lock.'

Strafe: Goddamn.
Leah: Keep your eyes on the road, dumbass!

Strafe heads towards Joseph's car, but one car is in their way.

Cannibal Joel's.

Chapter 13: Dark Water

Strafe and Leah get close to Cannibal Joel's car. Leah decides to open up the passenger door, which falls off into the sand. She doesn't pay it any notice. She gets on the hood of the car and starts reaching for the back of Joel's car, even as it's covered in barbed wire.

Strafe: This doesn't seem like the best idea.
Leah: Goddamn it. Yeah, you're right.
Strafe: What, I actually managed to talk you out of something?
Leah: Don't let it make your head even bigger.

Leah hops back into the passenger seat.

Leah: You know…

Leah looks over to the cannibal still spiraling in the sand, attempting to get back on the truck. Honestly we have no idea how he's not dead.

Leah: Nah.
Strafe: How is he not dead yet?
Leah: What, you think I know?
Strafe: You're a doctor right?
Leah: That's not really what I would use to describe myself.
Strafe: Hm, we still need to outrun him somehow...

Leah gets annoyed by the spinning cannibal who has been making constant noise.

Spinning Cannibal: Sorry.

Joseph takes a sharp corner as X-Ray rattles in the cage. Leah tells Strafe to turn as Cannibal Joel turns late, getting them side by side.

Leah: You still got that Desert Eagle?
Strafe: Yeah, here you go.

Leah grabs the Desert Eagle.

Leah: Wait, how do you shoot this thin-

Leah's finger presses against the trigger, blasting her back from the recoil. It hits the passenger door. The window rolls down as Cannibal Joel begins shouting at them.

Cannibal Joel: Is that the way we're doing this now?
Leah: Hang on, let me get up.

Cannibal Joel waits for Leah to get up. She recollects herself and then places her finger over the trigger of the Desert Eagle and fires, completely missing again.

Leah: Give me a moment!
Cannibal Joel: Fire on that car!

The windows roll down to reveal a bunch of other cannibals with guns, which start firing at Strafe's truck. Strafe swerves from left to right in a attempt to dodge the bullets.

Strafe: Leah, I can't really look at how we're doing on gas. How are we doing on that?

Leah looks at the gas meter, which has a yellow light on.

Leah: We're doing fine.
Strafe: Oh good. I think I can overtake them if you just give me one shot with that eagle, but that means you have to drive.
Leah: Trade our places, take no chances…
Strafe: Don't sing, get on with it!

Leah and Strafe switch places. Strafe aims the Desert Eagle at the tires, hitting the target pretty well. As Cannibal Joel's car practically halts to a violent stop, the truck finally gets behind Joseph's truck. As Strafe takes the wheel from Leah, Leah heads out to the hood of the car. All she has to do is grab X-Ray...

Strafe: LEAH!
Leah: Goddamn it, I'm focusing on getting X-Ray, you piece of shit!
Strafe: We're out of gas.

The truck comes to a stop as Leah outstretches her arm. She keeps it out even as X-Ray gets further… and further… and further away. Strafe gets out as Leah lowers her arm down in defeat.

Strafe: Well, we better get some gas.
Leah: I-I-I- was RIGHT there…
Strafe: Come on Leah, we need to go.
Leah: For what? She's gone now, that was our only chance.
Strafe: Leah, seriously, we need to go. They're gonna come after us, Cannibal Joel and the rest.
Leah: What the hell is the point?
Strafe: You can't seriously be giving up now.
Leah: Oh, I'm not giving up. But fat chance if you're ever behind the wheel again.
Strafe: Oh?
Leah: Oh! Like it's not your fault.
Strafe: It's not! We were all clearly trying our best!
Leah: You knew damn well if we got X-Ray you'd have no chance with me so you decided to go just a bit slower, just out of reach…
Strafe: Leah, I'm… no. Look, whatever happened back there… look I know you're not into me so I don't really care anymore.
Leah: Yeah, right.
Strafe: Are we seriously doing the “movie misunderstanding” trope?
Leah: So are you saying I'm not attractive then?
Strafe: Look, I don't know what you want me to say, but you're being a real jerk.

Leah pauses.

Leah: No I'm not.
Strafe: What, you think that's up to you? Oh, sorry, glad I checked!
Leah: Now you're trying to get under my skin about this?
Strafe: We gotta go Leah, but I think you know as much as I do that we're not getting anywhere without help.
Leah: Well, I guess if you put it like that. Let's go.
Strafe: Wait, really?
Leah: Unless this is some ploy to make me stay right here, you've brought up a lot of good points to keep moving.
Strafe: Alright then.

Strafe looks at the cannibal who appears to be dead now.

Strafe: Yeah, we should go.

Joseph parks the truck under a rock bridge. It's getting kind of late so he refuels the car with the gas tanks in the back and uses some of it to light a quick fire. He lifts X-Ray's cage out from the back and lets her free.

Joseph: You good?
X-Ray: Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.
Joseph: Who were those people trying to grab you? Don't think I've seen them before.
X-Ray: Leah and Strafe?
Joseph: I think?
X-Ray: Well, Strafe's some dude we met like a couple days ago… personally I don't really know what his deal is but…

X-Ray shrugs.

Joseph: Hm.
X-Ray: As for Leah… she's alright, I guess. She uh… rescued me from the Twisted Cross and stuff.
Joseph: What's the “Twisted Cross”?
X-Ray: I dunno… some kind of twisted research group or something. Leah used to be part of them but then turned on them… I dunno what made her do that.

Joseph ponders for a bit then gets up.

Joseph: You want something to eat?
X-Ray: Sure, why not.
Joseph: Alright. Say… what else do you know about Leah?
X-Ray: Oh, she doesn't go for guys.
Joseph: I wasn't asking it like that…
X-Ray: Heh. Well, it's kind of a weird thing I guess. She's so… nice to me but so mean to everyone else. I dunno how to feel about that.
Joseph: Right…
X-Ray: She's really interesting and funny but I always feel like she's hiding something from me...
Joseph: Well, I dunno much about her but maybe she's got… feelings for you?
X-Ray: Me and Leah? As a couple?
Joseph: I dunno.
X-Ray: Well, I dunno either.
Joseph: So, Strafe and Leah are your friends right?
X-Ray: Yeah.
Joseph: Well, we'll get back to them soon enough.

X-Ray smiles.

Strafe and Leah drag their hands across the mountain side.

Strafe: So… what do you do then?
Leah: What do you mean?
Strafe: You said you weren't a doctor.
Leah: Well… that's not what I would use to describe myself.
Strafe: Yeah, you said that. What would you describe yourself as?
Leah: I dunno… I just do what I want. Nobody better dare fucking get in my way.
Strafe: So… why all the hospitals and needles and…
Leah: It's just what I grew up in. The Twisted Cross. We were kind of a family, I guess. Susan wanted to be my mom but… I don't really consider her that after all the shit she did.
Strafe: Like what?
Leah: She killed my real mom. I dunno… it's personal shit. I'm not exactly feeling up to it to talk to YOU about it.
Strafe: Why not? My mom's dead too… I think. I dunno what happened at the church.
Leah: Strafe… she's gone. She's not a goddess or whatever you were babbling about. Some even called her a satan spawn because of me.
Strafe: What did you DO? Actually, I think I know but you should probably tell me anyway.
Leah: This purple hair is natural but my parents had brown hair. And nobody really knew why. They thought maybe she was with another man but- I dunno. I don't really know much about her.
Strafe: So… the Twisted Cross.
Leah: They raised me, they taught me everything I know how to do concerning medical procedures and everything else. I was just kept in the hospital with whatever we were chopping up and experimenting with.
Strafe: Why'd you leave?
Leah: X-Ray.
Strafe: Yeah, we're looking for her.
Leah: No, it was X-Ray that made me want to leave. I couldn't operate on her, I couldn't let them operate on her… she made me feel something that I had never really known even existed until then.
Strafe: Love?
Leah: Well jeez, if you're gonna put it like that, sure.
Strafe: So…
Leah: Don't tell her either. She doesn't know and I don't want her to know.
Strafe: Why don't you tell her?
Leah: I just… don't want to screw things up. I don't know why I told you. But don't tell her.

Leah looks at the sky.

Leah: Sun's resting.
Strafe: Yeah.
Leah: Oh shit, there's a little cave over there!
Strafe: Wait a minute, that's the Elven Mines.
Leah: Elven Mines? They named it Elven Mines?
Strafe: What's wrong with Elven Mines?
Leah: When we go to “Black People Cave”, I'll tell you all about it.
Strafe: Oh…

Leah steps in and feels something trickle on the ground. She lifts up her boots.

Leah: Ah, it's filled up with all this dark water and shit. Never mind. Let's just sleep in the goddamn sand.
Strafe: Wait… dark water?

Strafe looks at Leah's boots and sticks his finger into the “dark water”.'

Strafe: Leah… this is gasoline.
Leah: Well, damn.

Chapter 14: Nile Man

Leah and Strafe grab some gasoline tanks, one in each hand, filled to the top. They head out back into the desert.

Leah: Ugh… my hands hurt already. What car are we even gonna fill up? The one with no damn doors?
Strafe: Hey… X-Ray needs you, doesn't she?
Leah: Hey, I'm supposed to be the one trying to manipulate others into doing what I want!

Nevertheless, Leah begins picking up her pace and her attitude seems to improve.

Strafe: We're gonna bring them to the ol' jeep. The one that got flipped over and then we abandoned, if you remember that.
Leah: Do we even know where that damn thing is?
Strafe: Yeah, I know where it is.
Leah: Alright then, just lead away, Jack.
Strafe: It's Strafe.
Leah: It's not Jack?
Strafe: It's Strafe, not Jack.
Leah: Ah... you're Jack.

Strafe (or Jack) sighs. At least he's not being called “blue haired douchebag” anymore.

Joseph and X-Ray start heading to find Strafe and Leah.

Joseph: Where do you think they are?

X-Ray places her hand on her chin.

X-Ray: Not sure, to be frank.
Joseph: So it's just a search then?
X-Ray: Well, if they were following us and then suddenly stopped, they would be around that area we were being chased in, yeah?
Joseph: I figured that, yeah.

X-Ray pauses for a minute before realizing she's never said “thank you”.

X-Ray: Thanks.
Joseph: You're welcome.

Strafe and Leah see something… dark up ahead. They glance up at the sky and see a mess of clouds.

Strafe: The hell?
Leah: Shit, this would make a really good photo.
Strafe: I know right?
Leah: Looks like it's raining too.
Strafe: Well, I don't mind a cool off.
Leah: Don't take any of your clothes off, I don't wanna see any nasty junk.
Strafe: What, you think I'm gonna take a shower in it?
Leah: Yeah, cuz that's what Jacks do.

Strafe (or Jack) just sighs as he walks under the raincloud with his eyes closed. He awakens his eyes when he finds his feet in a fair amount of water.

Strafe: Leah, woah…
Leah: What's going on in there? You just look like an asshole standing in the rain.

Leah runs into the cloud to see that her perception of reality has been distorted. There is a goddamn ocean in the middle of the desert.

Leah: What the fuck…?
Strafe: I know, right?
Leah: There's just a goddamn ocean hiding in clouds?
Strafe: I know, right?
Leah: Jack, knock it off.
Strafe: I'm not really into science or anything but I'm pretty sure this is impossible.
Leah: Oh look, there's a whale! Let's see if there's a harpoon gun or…
Strafe: Leah!
Leah: You found one?
Strafe: No. I'm telling you to leave the damn whale alone.
Leah: Typical Jack thing to do.
Strafe: Look, Sarah…

Leah faces Strafe with a really angry look.

Leah: Don't ever call me that again.
Strafe: What? You keep calling me Jack, why can't I call you Sarah?
Leah: Because I asked you to?
Strafe: What's wrong with Sarah…? It's not a bad name… to be honest I kind of like it.
Leah: Nothing, just… don't call me that.

Strafe decides to let it go.

Strafe: Alright, we done here?

A voice comes from the distance.

Voice: Hey!
Leah: Who the hell?

Strafe and Leah face a old man wearing a crocodile hide and green glasses fishing.

Old Man: Shut the fuck up! I'm trying to fish, damn it!
Strafe: Oh sorry… we… didn't see you there.
Old Man: Everyone doesn't see the Nile Man.
Strafe: The Nile Man?
Nile Man: That's me, dimwit.
Strafe: Why are you called that?
Nile Man: They tried to drown me as a fucking baby in the nile… but you see, they were pretty fucking terrible at drowning a baby.
Leah: Holy shit, are you Moses?
Nile Man: Nah. Just really old. I spend my days fishing here for the ticket out of my existence. Wherever that's being held, anyway. You fuckers hungry? I got a shit ton of fish that you can probably eat.
Leah: Yeah, that would probably be a good idea.
Nile Man: You all look sandy as hell. What did you do, roll in the sand?
Strafe: Didn't you know? It's a desert out of the range of the clouds… actually I'm not sure how this works but…
Nile Man: Oh, it's a desert now?
Strafe: Hasn't it always been that?
Nile Man: Hell if I know.
Strafe: How did you get here?
Nile Man: God, you ask way too many damn questions. Just get a fish, cook it, and eat it. Then go along your merry way.
Strafe: Alright, jeez.

Strafe and Leah exit the clouds later with a couple of dead squids in their hands.

Strafe: Well, that was something.
Leah: The ancient bass fisherman… I guess if I was old, I wouldn't be doing anything but really slow stuff to ever ease my eventual death. Because, if I died when I was bored, that would be exciting.
Strafe: Kind of morbid.
Leah: Well, you ever see old people? They're all sad and gross and I don't really want to look like that or hell, feel like that.
Strafe: Guess you've got a point.
Leah: Damn right I do! Now let's get to that damn jeep!!!

Leah starts running as Strafe cracks a quick laugh and takes off after her.

Chapter 15: Helena Beat

A kid takes the wheel and turns on the radio as Leah and Strafe lay in the trap. Leah is still attempting to bite her way out.

Sometimes life it takes you by the hair
It pulls you down before you know it
It's gone and you're dead again.
I've been in places and I won't pretend
That I'd make it out just to fall on my head
Wake up strange and take the walk downstairs
Hit the pawn up on the corner and pay for my rent
You know that I could not believe my own truth
Just show them what I choose, got nothing to lose

Strafe grabs for a knife and starts cutting the net.

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I'm alright.
I took a sip of something poisoned but I'll hold on tight.
You know those days when you want to just choose
To not get out of bed, you're lost in your head again.
You play the game but you kind of cut
'Cause you're coming down hard and your joints are all stuck.
I tried to say that's not the only way
I never knew if I could face myself to change.
You were pacing I was insecure.
Slip and fall, I got the calls from the prison I've been living in.

Strafe breaks free and grabs one of the driver with a knife to his neck. The other kids attempt to attack him but Leah just hits them back.

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I'm alright.
I took a sip of something poisoned but I'll hold on tight.
Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I'm alright.
I took a sip of something poisoned,
Took a sip of something poisoned, poisoned.

As Leah and Strafe fight the kids, the jeep veers into several directions before falling down a cliff side. The jeep falls as Strafe takes control of the jeep and lands without much damage.

Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I'm alright.
I took a sip of something poisoned but I'll hold on tight.
Yeah yeah and it's O.K.
I tie my hands up to a chair so I don't fall that way.
Yeah yeah and I'm alright.
I took a sip of something poisoned, took a sip of something poisoned, poisoned

As the kids attempt to take the jeep back, Leah switches out her needle finger vials with one with a low-grade poison, making them fall unconscious. Strafe looks for a way back up the cliff side.

Joseph and X-Ray drive over by where the jeep was. Joseph gets out as he notices footsteps suddenly stopping in a certain spot, only for them to become barely visible as wind picks up.

Joseph: Something's grabbed them.
X-Ray: You don't think it was the cannibals, right?
Joseph': I doubt that. They're not this sophisticated when it comes to taking captives.
X-Ray: How long were you with the cannibals?
Joseph: A long, long time. It was more out of a favor for Cannibal Joel; I was never on board with the whole eating humans thing but… something about you made me think that was too over the edge to stand for anymore.
X-Ray: Seems to happen to a lot of people when they're around me… you know, Leah…
Joseph: Yeah well… I dunno what it is about you but…

X-Ray looks in the distance.

X-Ray: Who's that?
Joseph: Uh… I don't know. They look kind of short.

The figure is revealed to be a girl of 13 years old.

Girl: Didn't the trap spring? Hey, where are they anyway?
X-Ray: Sorry, we just got here. Your name?
Girl: Why the hell do you want to know? Hang on, you're one of those that crashed into the wall with the tank, weren't you?
X-Ray: I'm only trying to be nice and I… guess? That was mostly Leah.
Girl: Well, if you insist on it, it's Emmy.
X-Ray: Hi Emmy!
Emmy: Honestly I don't care about your names. I just want to know where the hell all my men went and who sprung the trap. It's not here anymore so…
X-Ray: Well, me and Joseph could help!
Joseph: Well… I'm not sure about that…
Emmy: I appreciate the offer but but I can just find them myself.

Emmy walks away towards a armored jeep as X-Ray seems kind of disappointed.

Joseph: I suppose we keep looking then?

Chapter 16: Blood and Orange Juice

Strafe and Leah drive for a bit, not really finding a way back up.

Strafe: Kind of a miracle we're still alive, huh?

Leah glares at the sleeping kids.

Leah: What do we do with them?
Strafe: Didn't you tell me that they weren't anything to worry about?
Leah: Well, yeah, they're just a bunch of dumbfuck kids with dumb fucked up brains.
Strafe: ...couldn't you say that we're that too?

Leah grows silent.

Strafe: My mom was murdered in front of me and my dad abused me heavily, pushing the limits of what pain I could handle… had to resort to thievery to sustain myself and I killed a dude…
Leah: Woah, you never told me any of that shit. You KILLED someone?
Strafe: I mean, I'm not proud of killing that dude but…yeah, I killed him in a jewelry shop with a shot to his head.
Leah: Do you know his name?
Strafe: ...Jeremy? Jeremy sounds right.
Leah: Shit man… I don't even remember the first person I killed…

Strafe grows silent.

Strafe: Are you proud of that?

Leah lingers in her thoughts for a while.

Leah: I dunno. The concept of a person “deserving” death is kind of one nobody can agree on.
Strafe: You wouldn't kill me though, right?
Leah: I'd have a better answer if we find X-Ray.
Strafe: Right…

Cannibal Joel kicks one of the human holding cages, denting the black iron.

Cannibal Joel: Goddamn it!
Cannibalite: He made off with the the meal, didn't he?

Cannibal Joel: And he got away with it too. Such a terrible thing; now people believe it's possible to escape.

Lock appears out from the shadows of the room.

Lock: Well, he is supposedly still alive out there.
Cannibal Joel: Well, if it isn't Lock, master Lazyman. Tell me, have you found ANY of the people you said you would find?
Lock: That information isn't exactly something I would relay to you.
Cannibal Joel: And why not? I have given you my army and word, but when it comes to upholding your's…
Lock: Suppose I gave you a bunch of kids to eat. More than a couple dozen.
Cannibal Joel: Well…
Lock: I suggest you be patient. After all… my own war is about to begin.
Cannibal Joel: Your war?
Lock: Noah, the city that has ostracized so many of us… may it crumble in my wake. It has outcast us all, whether it be intentional or of our own doing… but it is time to reimagine an empire not bound by the worldly flesh and blood. No longer would you have to keep cannibalizing your stock of humans to eat because there would be a system to ensure you never run out. As for me… heh. I have not been myself in a long time.
Cannibal Joel: Is this within your reach?
Lock: Would I gloat about it otherwise?

Lock disappears into a shadow portal.

Joseph looks in the truck, surprised to find a canister of orange juice.

X-Ray: You think that's any good?
Joseph: It hasn't expired yet.

X-Ray and Joseph take turns drinking out from the jug and then throw the canister down the cliff side.

X-Ray: Kind of weird that it was just there.
Joseph: I'm supposing whoever was planning to use that truck before I took it put the jug in to drink while on the road.
X-Ray: This is a weird question, but what are the trucks and jeeps for?
Joseph: Moving. We have to do it constantly, there's only so many places to dig holes.
X-Ray: Holes?
Joseph: Yeah, I dunno why Joel wants us to dig holes. It's like he's looking for something…
X-Ray: Well, we better get going on our own search, right?

Joseph looks at the sun.

Joseph: Yeah, I suppose we should.

The orange juice jug lands in Leah and Strafe's view, causing them to freak out. Strafe swerves the vehicle wildy only for it slam into the cliffside. Blood pours down from Leah's face. Strafe seems fine but the right side of the vehicle is pretty smashed up.

Strafe: You okay?

Leah murmurs something before closing her eyes.

Strafe: Sarah?
Strafe: Sorry… just wanted to see if you were dead.
Leah: I'm gonna tend to my wounds but you need to find a way out. And I suggest you find some high spot, see if we're missing something.

Leah groans as she unwraps the bandages around her leg. Strafe gets out of the car and heads to a high rock.

Chapter 17: Home

A bunch of black vans roll down the desert hills. Joseph seems wary.

X-Ray: What are those?
Joseph: Vans, likely sent from cannibals.
X-Ray: No… they don't have those kinds of vans. I dunno if they have vans, now that I think about it.
Joseph: Well, who else could it be?
X-Ray: Well… it's probably for the best we don't find out.
Joseph: I suppose.
X-Ray: Are those… rain clouds?
Joseph: Isolated in the middle of nowhere too.
X-Ray: Wanna check it out? Maybe Strafe and Leah went in there.
Jospeh: Sure, why not.

Strafe gets on a high rock and spots a passage way up. He notices a bunch of government vans heading down.

Strafe: Shit, that's probably not good…

Strafe runs down from the high rock but hides as government agents get out of the vehicle and grab a screaming Leah and the kids that are still unconcious.


The vans leave and Strafe comes out from hiding. He groans and looks like he's about to give up.

Strafe: Well… I mean… they didn't take the jeep at least…

Strafe takes the jeep and once he figures the coast is clear, drives up the path he saw. As he returns to the desert, he gets out of the car, dragging his feet through the sand.

Strafe: Why didn't I just stay in Noah… this whole mess has been my fault. Leah and X-Ray are never going to see each other again and I know how much that hurts Leah, a person died because of me and her… which wouldn't have even happened if I just stayed put in Noah…

Strafe sighs.

If I fall
Down on my knees
Wondering for
What we could be
If I could
Try a little harder
I would succeed (oh, oh)
I'd rather give up
And be happy

Strafe starts heading towards Noah.

I will come home
I will come home

Strafe remembers Palutena in the temple.

I will come home in time
We will grow hold and break apart
It's what I told you from the start
Oh, with our sleighs apart

Strafe remembers Leah telling her backstory to him and them… actually relating on a level.

If I could
Try a little harder
I could succeed
I'd rather give up
And be happy

Strafe remembers that there are still cannibals unchecked and looking for them, in addition to whatever the fuck Lock is doing.

I will come home in time
We will grow hold and break apart
It's what I told you from the start.
Oh, with our sleighs apart
I will come home in time
We will grow hold and break apart
It's what I told you from the start.
Oh, with our sleighs apart

Strafe starts heading back to jeep. He remembers one last memory of his father to tell him to stay home. There is a slighter anger on his face as he slams the gas and starts heading after the tire tracks the government vehicles left behind.

I will go home
I will go home
It's all I've told

Chapter 18: Beginning of the End

Joseph and X-Ray find themselves in the hidden ocean in the desert that Leah and Strafe had stumbled across before.

Joseph: Is this… an ocean? How did we not see this before?
Nile Man: I dunno how the fuck you people keep finding this place and act like you didn't see it.
Joseph: Excuse me?
Nile Man: Yeah, I'm talking to you two. Another pair of hoodlums were just here. Those fuckers were annoying, kept asking me stupid questions.
X-Ray: Well, if you don't mind me asking…

The Nile Man laughs.

Nile Man: Yes, because what I clearly want to do is ask more dumblefuck questions from young adults who don't know shit.

Joseph and The Nile Man seem utterly surprised by her attitude and so does she. She covers her mouth.

X-Ray: Sorry… didn't mean to be so mean. I just want to know where Strafe and Leah are.
Nile Man: Strafe and Leah? They're the purple haired and bluish green haired guy, right?

X-Ray nods excitedly.

Nile Man: I dunno, one minute they were asking me questions, I let them have some of my food, and then they left with gas tanks and dead squids.
Joseph: Gas tanks… maybe they were trying to fill up a car with gas.
X-Ray: But where?
Nile Man: I dunno. They just went through the mist and left.
Joseph: Well, they're around here somewhere. We might be closer to them than we thought…
X-Ray: That's good news, right?
Joseph: We better hurry.

Joseph and X-Ray head out of the mist as the Nile Man pulls out a sea bass.

Nile Man: Fuck, not another one of these shits.

The Nile Man tosses the Sea Bass in a pile of flopping Sea Basses.

The Cannibals start heading out in trucks to find Strafe and Leah. Cannibal Joel closes his eyes partially as he looks into direction of the sun, covering his face with his hand as he watches a jeep in the distance speed towards a warehouse.

Cannibalite: You think that's Strafe?
Cannibal Joel: Only one way to find out.

Chapter 19: Middle of the End

Strafe drives into the missing wall that the tank destroyed. A bunch of the kids hold out spears. Strafe makes the peace sign with his hand.

Strafe: I wanna speak with your leader.

Emmy walks in.

Emmy: Well, if it isn't Strafe. Where are my missing troops, Strafe?
Strafe: They're asleep, not dead. I can get them back but you gotta get everyone out there to help me.
Emmy: Why the hell would I help you? All you've done is run away from me.
Strafe: I know exactly where they are and I can get them back. And I don't know what you intended to do to me, but I can find someone to sit in that chair.

Emmy glances at the chair.

Emmy: Fine.
Strafe: Wow, really?
Emmy: You want me to take it back?
Strafe: No… what is the deal with the chair anyway? What were you gonna do with me?
Emmy: None of your business. I suppose if you don't want my help…
Strafe: No, no, let's go.

Leah is restrained by two government agents as she attempts to break out. Some of the kids are awake now but just strangely watch the government agents restrain Leah.

Leah: Let go of me!

The government agents say nothing as they hold Leah back from killing the driver. She gets an idea and begins unscrewing her needle finger rubbing it against the fingers next to it. It drops to the floor and rolls under one of the seats. Leah glances to a kid, who doesn't understand what she's trying to do or what they're supposed to do.

Leah: (harsh whispering) Pick it up, you piece of garbag-
Government Agents: You do know that we realize we know exactly what you're saying right?
Leah: Goddamn it, you heard everything?

The Racist Lucario runs out of the cave with a shotgun.

Racist Lucario: Those fucking Americans again!

He fires bullets into the car's wheels and windows, causing it to swerve out. Leah kicks them out of the way and sees a giant armada of cars as she gets out of the van. Strafe steps out.

Strafe: ...well, I wasn't the one who did that. Not sure who did…
Leah: Get moving, dimwit!

Strafe hops back into the jeep as Leah gets in the passenger seat. In the distance they see Cannibal Joel's barbwire car pull up. Emmy has a cross look on her face as Cannibal Joel and the other cannibals have huge, shit-eating grins on their faces. Lock watches from the cliff range, Jospeh and X-Ray see the confrontation in the distance, the Racist Lucario reloads his shot gun, and the Nile Man catches another goddamn Sea Bass.

Chapter 20: End of the End

Strafe and Leah turn the jeep around in an 180.

Strafe: We gotta get out of here.
Leah: Give the wheel, you goddamn coward.
Strafe: Fine, I guess we are doing this!

Strafe turns the jeep around another 180 as Emmy gets annoyed.


Emmy slams the gas pedal down as does Cannibal Joel. Emmy gets out a spear and attacks Cannibal Joel's guitar man, who falls down with a Wilhelm Scream. Cannibal Joel unloads a rifle blast into Emmy's window, missing her but not her windows, which are shot out.

Leah: What are you doing?
Strafe: We gotta find X-Ray, right?
Leah: Yeah, let's just ignore the gigantic fight going on. Fuck you, get me close to Cannibal Joel.
Strafe: Argh! What DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
Leah: I just told you, dipshit.

Strafe's jeep closes into Cannibal Joel's car. Leah grabs some rope and one of her needles and swings it around before letting go, shattering the window. She then jumps inside. Cannibal Joel suddenly rocks the car to the right as he attempts to grab Leah, nearly taking out Emmy and Strafe.

Leah: You know why they don't call me Dr. Needlenam?

Cannibal Joel attempts to shoot her with rifle.

Leah: You know what? Fuck you, you don't get a one-liner.

Leah kicks Cannibal Joel out of his car and takes the car for her own. Cannibal Joel lands on the ground as Emmy punches her hand with the other Rascals. Joseph pulls up as Strafe and Leah see X-Ray.

Strafe: Oh hey, you didn't get eaten!
Leah: Thank god.

Leah steps out of the vehicle as she goes to hug X-Ray, but suddenly she hears Strafe yell as Lock grasps his hand around his throat.

Lock: I dunno why I didn't do this a long time ago.

Lock pulls out a purple colored knife.

Lock: If I put a couple scars over your eyes like…
Leah: Hey, edge-shit!
Lock: Ignore her…
Leah: Leave Jack alone!
Lock: Who the hell is Jack?
Strafe: Heh…

Strafe presses the gas pedal and the jeep rushes forward with Lock still on the hood of the car, attempting to cut up Strafe's face.

Lock: Argh!

The jeep heads inside the clouds, heading into the water. Strafe suddenly stops, causing Lock to drop into the water. He seems to have sunk before he suddenly comes out, barely missing Strafe's eye. Strafe drives the jeep forward, out of the clouds. The Nile Man seems frustrated and reels out a golden fish with the ticket he has been awaiting for centuries.

Nile Man: And now… I can rest.

The Nile Man turns into dust as the rain finally stops.

Strafe and Lock are still battling when suddenly Emmy's car smashes into Strafe's, knocking Lock off and rendering him unconscious. Aside from a dent, the jeep is still functional. Strafe looks at Emmy.

Strafe: Thanks.
Emmy: Yeah… don't mention it.
Strafe: What now?
Emmy: You've fulfilled what you said you were gonna do and as far as I know, everything's wrapped up.

Emmy leaves as Leah and X-Ray laugh and enter the jeep.

Leah: Alright Jack, we can finally leave.
Strafe: But where to?
Leah: Well, me and X-Ray live in America so… maybe you could tag along.
Strafe: And what about you wanting to get samples of the Rot disease?
Leah: I guess we can come back later or something. I dunno… I'm dead tired.

Strafe smiles as they start driving off into the sunset. Strafe switches on the radio, which plays “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.

It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take away
I'm a hot air balloon, I could go to space
With the air, like I don't care baby by the way-
Joseph: Shut that shit off!

Strafe turns off the radio as Leah, X-Ray and Strafe glance at Joseph, who hid himself in the back of the jeep, noticeably disturbed on how they didn't notice him until now.


Post-Credits Scene 1

Lock is more or less chained to a chair as a mask goes over him. Emmy ties chain links around Cannibal Joel.

Lock: The hell are you doing?

Emmy places a mask over the two and flips a switch as the children watch. Electricity sparks from the two masks and after about 30 seconds, it stops. Cannibal Joel takes off his mask and looks like a goblin of sort before collapsing on the ground dead.

Lock takes off his mask. We see a much younger look on him. He looks around a bit before a sinister grin strikes across his face.

Post-Credits Scene 2

Helen walks down the CIA hallway with her assistant Laura, who fumbles around with the papers.

Laura: Sad to hear that you're leaving the CIA to go work on F.A.N.T...
Helen: Well... it's a big opportunity, you know. And I'm old, I don't have time to waste passing up opportunities like this.
Laura: Yeah...
Helen: Apparently there's some girl with a sword named Crow. You see that shit? She can cut atoms.
Laura: That's not... yeah, that's not possible.

Helen shrugs.

Helen: She pulled it off just fine.
Laura: Are you suggesting she- Crow... is better than me?

Helen laughs as she turns right into a hallway.

Laura: Well?
Helen: Yeah, it's not a contest. But... there in lies the problem. She's cutting up military resources wherever she goes; literally.
Laura: What are you gonna do about that?
Helen: Well... outside of Noah there was a agent that blew up. Apparently Unten crashed near a landmine site.
Laura: Holy shit...
Helen: But... we were able to recover the body. Advancements in robotic technology and all. It's like she didn't even blow up.
Laura: Where is she?
Helen: In that room.

They see a blue haired woman who has been outfitted with cyborg replacements.

Helen: Project LL. Lexi Larsen.
Lexi Larsen


Image Info
StrafeWarzonesCharacterArtStrafe TBA
LeahwarzonesLeah Needlenam TBA
XRayWarzonesX-Ray TBA

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