|"Squav (Fantendo Now)"|
| Season 2, episode 7|
| Written &|
"The Threat's Beorn"
Squav is the seventh episode in the second season of Fantendo Now. It is the twenty-second episode overall.
A green squirrel named Squav attempts to fit in with the group.
Written by Exotoro
Unten, PalmMan, and Strafe are waiting for a train. Unten looks at his phone.
- Unten: Ugh, we're gonna be late. Don't like being late either.
- Strafe: ...How do you have a phone?
- Unten: Bought one.
- Strafe: Yeah, but where do you keep it?
- Unten: I use distortion mist.
- Strafe: For real?
- Unten: Nah, I just keep it in this scarf here.
Unten tucks the phone in his scarf.
- Unten: Oh hey, there we go!
Train pulls up and opens the doors. Unten and the others walk in as Unten's phone slips out and falls into the crack.
- Strafe: Oop, that's gone now.
- Unten: Mgrh.
- PalmMan: Guess you'll have to get a new one then!
Unten and Strafe jump.
- Strafe: When did you get here?
- PalmMan: I followed you guys since we left Boltzmann for the weekend, remember?
- Strafe: No, I don't remember that at all.
- PalmMan: I'm gonna be honest, I feel really ignored by you guys.
- Unten: Ain't that the tru-
Strafe looks at Unten who freezes mid-sentence.
- Unten: ...what time is it?
A green squirrel pops out of his seat.
- Green Squirrel: It's 2 am!
- Unten: Oh! Thanks.
- Strafe: Were you... listening to us?
- Green Squirrel: Was I! Name's Squav.
- Unten: Hi, Squav.
Squav keeps smiling as PalmMan sidesteps behind Unten.
Unten looks behind his seat to look at Squav jotting down a bunch of notes.
- Unten: I'm getting a weird feeling about him.
- Strafe: Shh, he's listening to you.
Unten sits back into his seat as Strafe looks out the window.
- Strafe: Remember the last time we were on a train?
- Unten: Yeah, ninja bandits attacked it.
- PalmMan: Oh yeah, and then you guys went to that witch's house.
- Unten: So what are you saying, Strafe? He's a ninja bandit too?
- Strafe: Nah... it is a bit odd that he's taking down so many notes though.
- Unten: Not even Sakeena did that... you don't think he's serving the Threat, right?
- Strafe: Nah...
He looks back at Squav.
- Strafe: He kind of reminds me of that green raccoon you and Rachel told me about... what was his name...
- Unten: YE... I don't see the resemblance.
- PalmMan: How long is the trip to Seattle anyway?
- Unten: Like... three more hours?
- PalmMan: Ugh...
Unten, PalmMan, and Strafe get off the train. Squav follows them without them noticing.
- Strafe: Wonder how Rose is doing...?
- Squav: Hey guys!
All three jump.
- Unten: Just... happened to have the same stop as us...?
- Squav: Oh sorry, didn't mean to upset you just... really big fans of you guys.
- PalmMan: Isn't that Sakeena's shtick?
- Squav: Well, I have tons to offer! I'm a natural born leader...
Unten and Strafe points to themselves before looking at each other in mild confusion.
- Squav: Power of light?
Strafe points to himself again. Squav starts sweating.
- Squav: Uh! Hm. I'm... green!
- PalmMan: That's me.
- Unten: Sorry... just seems kind of redundant to have someone like that in the group.
- Squav: Well... I guess I'll take my leave then.
Unten twists his face into a unsettled grimace as Squav walks away.
- Unten: Alright, hang on.
Squav perks up as Strafe and PalmMan look at Unten.
- Unten: You can tag along for a week and see how that works out.
- Squav: Yes! You won't regret it!
Sakeena is typing stuff up on a lap top under a blanket when suddenly Unten pushes open the door to Sakeena's house.
- Sakeena: Couldn't knock?
- Unten: Doesn't Leah crash into your door every time she visits?
- Sakeena: Well yeah, but that counts as knocking.
Unten sits down and sighs as Squav, Strafe, and PalmMan enter in.
- Sakeena: Who's the new guy?
- Squav: Name's Squav, nice to meet you.
- Unten: It's just gonna be a week of him tagging around, I guess.
- Sakeena: Why?
- Unten: I dunno...
Unten presses his stub arm into his face.
- Sakeena: You look really silly doing that, you know?
- Unten: Just tired out I guess.
- Sakeena: What's keeping you up?
- Unten: Being a leader is tiring I guess. We're fighting a war with no end and all this personal junk keeps piling up. You know how many forum threads I've read criticizing me?
- Sakeena: ...you're doing an alright job... so what if a few people aren't thinking that?
- Unten: It's just... you can't please everyone, you know? Ugh... just feeling completely out of it, I guess.
- Sakeena: I'll get you something to drink, alright? Don't... let the stress get to you.
- Squav: Oh wow, this is Sakeena's house!
- Sakeena: Don't touch anything!
- Squav: Wouldn't dare! This place is a holy ground after all.
- PalmMan: He's as crazy as you... but if you put another layer over it, he's a fanboy of the fangirl...
- Strafe: Holy shit.
- Sakeena: I'm not "crazy", come on.
- PalmMan: Yeah, I'll pretend you don't have all those Strafe posters hanging up in your room.
- Sakeena: Shh!
Strafe looks mildly amused.
- Squav: What's for lunch?
- Sakeena: I dunno, go downtown for a sub sandwich or something.
Sakeena heads to the kitchen and pours Unten a glass of water.
- Sakeena: Want me to call Rachel up? She should be back by now.
- Unten: Nah... just wanna lie down.
- Sakeena: Alright.
Squav returns with a sub sandwich as Unten, Strafe, PalmMan, and Sakeena are playing monopoly.
- Squav: Ooh, can I play?
- Unten: We're... in the middle of a game.
- Squav: Oh. Can I just watch then?
- Unten: Sure I guess.
Sakeena attempts to roll the dice, but Squav is clearly bothered by how she rolls the dice.
- Squav: Keep it in your hand!
- Sakeena: ...but this is the way I roll.
- Strafe: That's how we all roll.
- Squav: Well, it doesn't fall off the table if you keep it in your hand.
- Sakeena: Yeah... but... that's how we roll. We're not really aiming for efficiency.
- Squav: Yeah, but if you roll the dice in your hand and keep them there...
- Unten: Look, if that's how she wants to roll the dice, she can do that!
- Strafe: Yeah, don't be a buzzkill.
- PalmMan: CAN WE ROLL THE DAMN DICE ALREADY?!
Sakeena rolls the dice. It lands on a three and six.
Squav glances over his notes as Unten enters the room.
- Unten: What are you doing up so late? It's... like 12.
- Squav: Looking over these notes. So I can better understand how to fit in the group.
- Unten: Look...
Unten pulls up a chair.
- Unten: You can't just fit in by studying us. You gotta have that kind of natural connection, I guess.
- Squav: Well to fair... you're not exactly a great leader. I can already tell the group's falling apart.
Unten holds in a laugh.
- Unten: You think the group's falling apart?
- Squav: You're already scattered about. What, you couldn't afford a headquarters?
- Unten: I just wanted to be flexible...
- Squav: And you're so tired all the time... what are they gonna do without you if you die?
- Unten: Someone else will take over. Probably Strafe or Rachel...
- Squav: Or me.
- Unten: ...you're not studying us to fit in, are you.
- Squav: No, I am, but I want to make it better! Get paid for the stuff we do!
- Unten: ...we do it free for a reason...
- Squav: You got any idea how big a "Heroes for Hire" thing would be?
- Unten: We do heroics for free though.
- Squav: But what if you got paid?
- Unten: That would feel a little wrong to me.
- Squav: Bah, ignoring my genius idea. No wonder you're all falling apart.
- Unten: Look... I'm trying to be really nice but you're just bugging me now.
- Squav: Go back to bed, Unten.
- Unten: Turn off the light... alright?
Unten shuts the light off as Squav reads over his notes with a flashlight.
The morning light shines in through the window as Unten wakes up. He notices Squav is gone.
- Unten: Ugh, finally.
- Strafe: He's finally left, huh?
- Unten: He was talking to me last night about how everything sucks, the group is falling apart... do you feel that way?
- Strafe: Nah, it's not falling apart. He's crazy, I guess. Last night he was calling someone... didn't really know what he was talking about, though.
- Unten: Huh.
- Sakeena: When are you guys moving out?
- Unten: Ah jeez, do you want us to go?
- Sakeena: Well, I thought this was gonna be a temporary thing until you guys got somewhere to stay.
- Unten: Do you want us to go?
- Sakeena: Not really but... you guys gotta leave me eventually, right?
- Strafe: We wouldn't leave you, come on.
- Sakeena: Well... I was thinking about Squav and how sometimes I act like him and...
- Unten: Oh come on, you're not him...
- Sakeena: You're right, that's stupid...
- Unten: PalmMan's still charging, huh?
Unten glances at PalmMan as a hologram appears behind him. He turns around.
- Unten: Oh hey, it's The Fan and The Enemy!
- The Fan: Pleased to see you too. We've got... an emergency.
- Unten: Hmm?
- The Enemy: The Squavacado Forest is on fire.
- Unten: Alright, I guess we gotta get moving then.
- Sakeena: An assignment this early?
- Unten: Come on, we can deal with it.
Sakeena groans as a portal opens on the wall. Unten, Sakeena, and Strafe walk in.
Unten, Sakeena, and Strafe stand in front of the burning blaze.
- Unten: Oh wow, they weren't kidding.
- Sakeena: Is there anything left to salvage...?
Strafe notices Squav hunched over, trying to hold back tears.
- Strafe: Squav, you okay?
- Squav: Not sure why you would care!
- Strafe: Well, to lose your home is something that really sucks...
A spaceship with The Threat's insignia lands. The Threat looks around.
- The Threat: I don't see anymore Squavacados. Rather silly name...
- Unten: The Threat?
- The Threat: What's up, Unten. Just sent Four to burn the place down and salvage the survivors to convert to my hiveminds.
- Unten: You're truly something else, you know that?
- The Threat: Don't flatter me, Beorn.
- Unten: You can't just burn down a forest and expect to get away with it!
- The Threat: Pretty much did. Hey, who's this?
She sets her four-eyed gaze towards Squav.
- The Threat: Looks like I missed one after all.
- Unten: Leave him alone! Step one foot closer and I'll do what I did to Six to you!
- The Threat: That why I have a hivemind to do my tasks. Take the Squavacado, would you?
She looks to two robotic looking minions, who step out and walk towards Squav. Squav stands up.
- Unten: Run, come on!
Squav smiles at Unten as he walks towards the ship. The Threat stops the minions.
- The Threat: Well, this is something else.
- Squav: I wish to join you at your side.
- Unten: What?!
- Strafe: Don't do this.
- Sakeena: This is a really bad idea, Squav...
Squav gets on the ship as the Threat smiles an unnatural smile towards Unten. The ship takes off and Unten, Strafe, Sakeena watch as it flickers into a star.
- Unten: ...he just left, huh.
- Strafe: I wouldn't be too concerned over it.
- Unten: Right...
As Strafe and Sakeena exit, Unten looks at the sky and then leaves shortly.