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Slaughterbus Forever/Story

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Slaughterbus Forever's story is just too death metal to exist on the slightly less death metal main page!

Story

Chapter 1: Slaughterbus Begins

The story starts with a view of a barren world, covered in ash. The skies are grey and cloudy, and text appears on screen indicating this to be Devalon-IX.

Robotic voice: Warning: approaching surface rapidly. Time to impact is less than 20 seconds.

A ball of fire busts through the cloud layer. The eerie silence is replaced with the tastiest guitar solo you can imagine.

Robotic voice: T-minus 10 seconds. Pull up.
Slaughterbus: JUST LET THE GUITAR SOLO FINISH

The fire disperses, revealing Slaughterbus. The second before slamming hood first into the ground, the guitar solo finishes and Slaughterbus makes a sharp turn, losing no speed as he races over the terrain.

Robotic voice: You cut it too close.
Slaughterbus: HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING, M.A.I.M? YOU ALWAYS TRUST THE GUITAR SOLO.
M.A.I.M: And what if it lets you down?
Slaughterbus: TRUST ME.

The camera pans to reveal Slaughterbus is heading towards a massive spire. The scene cuts to the logo over a black background.

Slaughterbus: IT NEVER WILL.

Moving into a dark room, Slaughterbus's bright red headlights light the chamber up. The sounds of old machinery turning fills the room and the massive elevator begins descending.

M.A.I.M: So, this is it. The final stronghold of Spacethority... or at least the last one worth wrecking.
Slaughterbus: DOCTOR LORD BARON VON GHOSTWRIT WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. I DON'T KNOW YET EITHER, THOUGH! YOU THINKING MISSILES OR FISTS? FIST MISSILES?
M.A.I.M: What I'm honestly thinking about is what we do next. You've been fighting Spacethority for decades, so where do we go from there?
Slaughterbus: OFF TO THE NEXT SOCIETY IN NEED OF SOME TASTY SLAUGHTERBUS BRAND LIBERATION, OF COURSE!

The elevator halts. Several machines are mining the planet's core, and a massive laboratory structure is built into the rocky walls across from Slaughterbus.

Slaughterbus: M.A.I.M, PLAY SOME JAMS. SOMETHING SUBTLE.
Kokomo - The Beach Boys


Slaughterbus: THIS ISN'T METAL.
M.A.I.M: You asked for subtle, you got subtle.
Slaughterbus: FINE. YOU SPITE ME, I SPITE YOU. KEEP PLAYING YOUR BEACH BOYS BULLCRAP.

Slaughterbus begrudgingly begins flying to the laboratory.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go,
Jamaica

Several of the mining drones take notice of Slaughterbus and leap off the core, landing on his hull.

Off the Florida Keys
there's a place called Kokomo

A chaingun lifts up from the top of Slaughterbus, pushing several drones into the lava sea below. It begins firing explosive rounds at the rest of the drones.

That's where you wanna go
to get away from it all

A robotic guard sits at his desk, bored and tapping his fingers on the steel surface. He sees Slaughterbus in the distance and looks over a command console. Pushing aside the emergency button to reveal a "HUGE CRISIS" button, he turns two keys at once, and that button splits open to reveal a "THE SLAUGHTERBUS COMETH" button, which he begins mashing.

Bodies in the sand,
tropical drink melting in your hand

More mining drones assemble, attempting to drill into Slaughterbus's windows. He simply strafes, pushing the drones against stalactices.

We'll be falling in love
to the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego,
baby why don't we go

Several robot guards assemble on the landing pad, armed with rocket launchers. They take aim at Slaughterbus, the one at the front of the formation counting down by hand.

Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down in Kokomo.

The rocket launchers fire. The rockets do little more than crumple against Slaughterbus, who laughs as the guards begin panicking.

Martinique, that Monserrat mystique...
We'll put out to sea
and we'll perfect our chemistry
By and by we'll defy
a little bit of gravity

Approaching the landing pad, Slaughterbus hovers still, watching the guards scramble for a solution. One of them rips off the arms of two others and begins tossing them at Slaughterbus.

Afternoon delight,
cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye,
give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo

Slaughterbus deploys some strange missile. Some of the guards attempt to avoid it, some accept their fate; but upon impact, it simply magnetizes them to the ground. Slaughterbus flies into the hangar.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego,
baby why don't we go
Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down in Kokomo.

Slaughterbus busts a hole in the wall, putting him in a hallway he just barely fits in. He ignores the panicked robot scientists and continues on.

Port au Prince, I wanna catch a glimpse...
Everybody knows a little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go to get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo

Slaughterbus comes upon a massive door. Two missiles capped with large metal fists launch at it, busting a massive breach in it.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego,
baby why don't we go
Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down in Kokomo.
Slaughterbus: THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY RAD. GAVE THE WHOLE BREAK-IN A CHARMING CASUAL FEEL.
M.A.I.M: The great and mighty Slaughterbus admitting to enjoying trashy 80s pop?
Slaughterbus: ...WE'RE ALMOST TO VON GHOSTWRIT'S GIGABATTERY. LET'S GO PUT THE SLAUGHTER IN SLAUGHTERBUS!

Chapter 2: The Good, The Bad, and The Slaughterbus

Slaughterbus flies through the dark maintence tunnels of the laboratory, his red headlights lighting the way. A distinct electric humming grows louder.

M.A.I.M: We're almost to the Gigabattery. Just plant the det pack and I'll navigate us out of here.
Slaughterbus: AFTER PUNCHING VON GHOSTWRIT IN HIS STUPID FACE, RIGHT?
M.A.I.M: Well, yeah, of course. The entrance to his chamber should be coming up ahead.

As Slaughterbus approaches the exit, the sound of a gunshot fills the air. He stops and peers cautiously through the vent, seeing Dr. Lord Baron Von Ghostwrit seemingly panicked.

Von Ghostwrit (muffled): W-who are you? The other one never did this.

Another gunshot. Von Ghostwrit ducks as a massive red explosion goes off behind him.

Slaughterbus: I'M GOING IN. PRIME THE DET PACKS NOW.

Slaughterbus bursts through the vent. A skinny robot wearing a heavy blue cloak stands opposite of Ghostwrit, reloading a sniper rifle.

Slaughterbus: YOU, SCRAPPY. IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

The robot fires off a glowing bullet without looking away from Ghostwrit. The bullet hits and EMPs Slaughterbus, sending him crashing to the ground.

M.A.I.M: Pr-pri- -ry systems fai-failing. Dets are primed f- -aunch, but the firing me-me-mechanism went down.
Slaughterbus: JUNKHEAP! SHOW SOME ID OR YOU GET A FACE FULL OF NAPALM!

The robot walks to Ghostwrit. The scene cuts to Slaughterbus struggling to get up, then to Ghostwrit's dead body toppling to the ground.

Robot: you've been replaced, slaughterbus.
Slaughterbus: I'M IRREPLACABLE, YOU WALKING SHRAPNEL! I'VE STUCK AROUND FOR MILLENIA, AND I'M STICKING AROUND FOR AT LEAST A HUNDRED MORE!
Robot: when you and i were forged, did you ever wonder what happened to me? after our creators forged you, they chose to make another. they learned from their mistakes making you, and i was the culmination of that. the prodigal son.
Slaughterbus: SHUT YOUR TRAP AND START MAKING SENSE!
M.A.I.M: The dets are back up, but we need to get out of here. I'm diverting all power to thrusters and flying us out.

Slaughterbus takes off and begins heading back to the vent. The robot groans and disassembles itself.


As the Spacethority lab falls apart from the Gigabattery's unstable explosion, Slaughterbus flies back up the elevator shaft, narrowly weaving around bursts of fire.

Slaughterbus: M.A.I.M. DID ANYTHING THAT TIN CAN SAY MAKE SENSE TO YOU?
M.A.I.M: You know I've been trying to decrypt your memory banks for centuries now. I'm just as clueless about who made you as you are... but it doesn't strike me as implausible that you're the only Slaughterbus.
Slaughterbus: ...I'M NOT BAD AT WHAT I DO, RIGHT...? WHY WOULD I NEED TO BE REPLACED?
M.A.I.M: I'd love to play therapist with you, but we need to get out of here, fast. I'm setting a slow course for the Delta once we hit the upper atmosphere.

Slaughterbus reaches the top of the elevator and narrowly dodges pillars of flame bursting from the ground. The chapter ends with him heading out into space... followed closely by a silver vehicle closely resembling him.

Chapter 3: Plan 9 from Outer Slaughterbus

Chapter 4: We're Back! A Slaughterbus's Story

Chapter 5: You Only Slaughterbus Twice

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