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Not-So-Random Access Memories (The Jam)

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(Title Card)

Not-So Random Access Memories - Written by SuperSonicDarkness and Sr.Wario

(Begins with an orange haired young teen - Fandro - walking into a cafe called 'The Jam')

Lenneh: Yo, Fandro my man!

Kontrast: How's it goin', dude?

Fandro: Um, good. 

(Fandro rushes to the very back table, where Brandon, Sketch, and Sam are sitting.)

Brandon: Hey man!

Sam: Glad you came, Fandro.

Fandro: No problem. I'm just not very comfortable with the big crowds and everything. They're making me out to be cooler then I am....

Sam: Oh don't say that!

Brandon: Psst. Sam. You might not want to give the shippers more ammo.

Sam: Oh. Right. That. 

Sketch: Hey, where is Dark? He wouldn't miss the big 7 year anniversary of the-

Dark: (suddenly springs up from under the table.) RAAH!

Brandon: Well, he always has some sort of big entrance.

Sketch: How did I not notice you there?

Dark: I have my ways. So anyway, today is the big day, right? 

Sketch: Yep, 7 years....

Sam: Well, here's to 7 more!

Dark: You said it!

Brandon: I'm not sure I can take that many.

Sam: Oh, come on! It's 7 years, guys! Remember all the great times?

Fandro: Well, Sam is right...

Dark: Of course!

Brandon: Oh god, here comes the obligatory backstory fluff.

Dark: Alright then, you jerk. Let's remember something a bit more actiony.

Brandon: If violence is involved, I'm all in.

Dark: Remember that time when....

(Flashback Starts)

(The main gang is outside a grumpy old man's house.)

Brandon: Fandro, come on and ring the doorbell.

Sam: Don't bully him!

Fandro: No...I can-I can do it.

Brandon: Alright, go on Cupcake and Muffin. (chuckles.)

Dark: I swear to god Brandon....

(Fandor rings the doorbell.)

(Nothing happens.)

Fandro: Huh, everything worked-

Old Man:(Un-godly screeching noise)

Fandro: Oh no.

(Door swings open, revealing a bearded man with a purple cap.)


Fandro: Uh...nothing, Mr. Plumber sir.


Brandon: Yeah. Pretty much.

Old Man: (Gets out a shotgun.)

Fandro: Why, Brandon.

(Chase begins, with blasts firing everywhere. Brandon is behind the others, but gets shot in the butt and starts running faster, knocking over the others. Sam jumps in front of Fandro to save him, but they've already escaped, leading Sam to crash into the dust.)

(Flashback ends.)

Brandon: And then they kissed.

Dark: You're an asshole.

Sam: Come on guys, let's remember something more positive! Like our comedy show!

Sketch: Oh yeah! I remember....

(Flashback Starts.)

(An improv comedy show is being hosted at The Jam, and the group is going up next with a group act after Xaton finishes his act.) 

Xaton: know what's funny? Fish. Am I right?....

(Xaton is booed off the stage and leaves. Dark and the gang walk up to the stage.)

Sketch: Better luck next time, dude.

Xaton: Thanks....

Brandon: This is hopeless. Want me to sum up the majority of people's sense of humour in one word? Di-

Dark: ANYWAY, I hope you all have a lot of fun at our comedy show! Who would like to start?

Sketch: Well, um, (quickly paints an abstract painting, looking like a large splotch of colors) maybe we could work this into our act?

Dark: Oh hey, it looks just like Brandon!

(audience laughs a bit.)

Brandon: Hey! Cruel jokes are my thing.

Fandro: Well, that's karma for you.

Brandon: Heh, no problem, I can play along. (turns to audience) YOUR MOTHER!

(audience is silent.)

Brandon: Yeah....that was kinda...too...easy....

Sam: Well, nothing to worry about. Um, I got a little sack of props we could maybe use?

Guy in Audience: Huh huh, "sack."

Dark: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.

(Audience laughs some more.)

(Flashback ends)

Brandon: Yeah, we did pretty well there.

Fandro: I agree, although I'm not a big fan of being on a big stage and stuff....

Dark: Uh, guys? 

Sketch: What?

Dark: You're forgetting the most important memory of all!

Sketch: And what would that be?

Dark: When we first met!

Sam: Of course!

Brandon: Alright, let the 3rd and final flashback commence!

(Flashback Starts)

(Dark enters The Jam for what is thought to be the first time, and is greeted by a cafe worker named Hamclub.)

Hamclub: Congratulations! You are our 50th customer today! You get a free coffee!

Dark: ....I don't drink coffee.

Hamclub: Oh, well sorry about that..... Hey, you're new here, right? Make yourself feel welcome!  

Dark: Thanks.

(Dark walks to the back table where Fandro, Sam, and a blonde-haired girl are sitting.)

Dark: Heyo everybody! My name's Dark, and I'm new here. What are your names?

Sam: I'm Sam, and this is my friend Fandro!

Fandro: H-Hey, sorry, I'm just kinda shy with new people because I tend to get a lot of attention with the others. Th-they mean well, but sometimes I just feel know.

Dark: I see. And what about you?

Girl: Oh, uh, my name's Artemis. 

(Brandon and Sketch enter The Jam and come over to the back table, joining the other four.)

Brandon: Ah, Fandro! Sam! It's been a while since we talked. And who's the new guy?

Dark: My name's Dark.

Brandon: That's a pretty weird name....I like it. Anyway, my name's Brandon.

Sketch: And I'm Sketch! Oh hey Artemis. Didn't see you there.

Artemis: Hi. 

Sketch: So uh, did you see any good movies lately?

Brandon: Well, I saw the long awaited final movie in the Galaxy Wars franchise.

Dark: Oh wow, that sounds really cool-

Brandon: The movie was terrible.

Dark: Oh. 

Sketch: So what did you see, Fandro?

Fandro: Nothing much, but, um....

Sam: What is it?

Fandro: I realized how much I like your company...all of you. You treat me like a normal person and you don't hype me up like everyone else....I don't know how I got so popular in the first place.

Dark: You know what? I agree. I should start coming here more often.

Brandon: Yeah, you guys are pretty cool actually.

Sam: Aw, thanks!

Sketch: So we're like a big group now: Me, Dark, Brandon, Fandro, Sam, and Arte-

(The group then realizes that while they were caught up in conversation, Artemis had mysteriously left.)

Brandon: Huh. Weird.

Dark: It's probably nothing though. Maybe she had...I dunno, homework to do? 

Hamclub: Alright guys, closing time!

Dark: This was fun. I'll talk to you guys again sometime!

(The group and all the others file out. Once the store is empty, Hamclub changes the "Open" sign on the front to "Closed.")

(Flashback ends.)

(Episode ends.)

(Locky enters the cafe)

Locky: Where did everyone go?

(Episode actually ends)

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