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Mario Kart Safety

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This is a joke article, possibly made to make fun of a certain subject. Understand that it is not supposed to be taken seriously.
Mario Kart Safety is the safest mario kart installment out there. It is now safe unlike other mario karts that promote violence and animal cruelty. It is produced by PETA in their attempt to stop mario kart from slaughtering turtles for ammunition and even nuclear warfare on wings. Safety changes are made, for example metal mario and pink gold peach are now pillow mario and pink puff peach to avoid any painful metal collisions. All characters now wear clunky helmets and most courses are extremely safe with barely any bumps in fear that characters will get boo-boos, . The items are also changed to be made safer and the character selection is safe unlike honey queen who can kill make you fall asleep with one sting or waluigi, who now wears a mask because his expressions traumatized millions of small children and adults. 

New Features

There are now seatbelts, so we can be safe!

toad was given legs because without legs, he couldn't reach the gas pedal which would be unsafe

honey queens stinger pokey thingy was removed because it was too pokey ochy

anti-gravity, gliding and undersea diving returns, but this time the player can pretend to be doing it when they're really not, but that's the magic of pretending

lawn mowers now appear as new vehicles to promote community service, but a lawn mower would be too unsafe so we replaced the blade pokey thingy with a pillow, defeating the purpose of mowing lawns while racing safely but keeping the race safe.

items are pretend becuse holding an item while driving is unsafe


Grand Pree

Grand Prix has been renamed to the identiclly pronounded Grand Pree. This is becuse people were too confused and always had to say Pree-cks which is more syllables or whatever and can wear out your voice earlier beacuse of the more cyllables. in this mode playmates race walk around and bond together so they can all earn good-job compliments at the end.

Vs  Friend Race Walk

Here players can learn about the importance of safety in the form of a video of animals being abused loved to promote animal awareness  and then applies it to a fun and safe race for all to enjoy, there are no rewards here though, that means no good job compliments.

Safety Missions

The playmate goes on various missions to teach characters such as the Big Bob-omb Glitter Ball safety and spreading joy to those who cant learn about safety without someone to teach them.

Buddy System

There is a buddy system mode where two playmates can race safely on one kart using the buddy system, buddies can switch but before switching they have to get off the road, count to ten to see if the zone is safe and slowly switch positions. Infact buddy system should actually be the only mode because you should always drive with a buddy.

Battle Friendly Competition Modes

Balloon Battle Friendly Competition

a mode where playmates ask politely to eachother if they could let go of their balloons, because popping them would be traumatizing to the ears and we don't want that, if a player loses all three balloons they die are out and become a ghost stealthy safety ninja who cannot win but can politely ask other players to let go of their balloons

Coin Runners Walkers

Running is too unsafe, so wynaut (pokemon is animal creulity and we wouldn't want to promote that) why not walk and politely collect coins. At the end, everybody shares and cares their coins equally and then they turn into chocolate coins, because metal coins are as hard as steel and could hurt someone. The chocolate coins are also molecular because we also don't promote possibly choking on edible objects.

Shine Thief Sneakers

Players must sneakity sneak away a shine sprite for themselves only to learn in the end that the true lesson is spreading happiness and sunshine with the world and not just keep it to themselves.

Bob-omb Blast Glitter Sprinkling Scatter

Playmates must sprinkle glitter on each other and the first to sprinkle 4 playmates with glitter is given a great job compliment, but they don't win, everybody wins!



actully i lied, the characters even with thier clunky new helemts helmets are all banned from the game because we didnt know how dangerous they all were, so each table will show all characters and why they were banned, also I'm too lazy to edit clunky helmets onto mario artwork so just pretend clunky helmets on these images

Image Name Ban Reason
Mario For the consumption of mass amounts of random mushrooms as it is very risky ro eat a mushroom if you don't know for sure it's safe, and mario promotes the opposite and we whouldn't want to promote that.
Luigi Beacusr there has been a rumoe of luigi's shadow hanging himshelf  beacuse he comes from a scary, tramatizing game.
Peach Beacuse she could be mistaken for a piece of fruit and eaten, and we whouldn't want that in our game.
Daisy Beacuse doctors could mistake daisy as peach and give her peach's medics and then eat her.
Yoshi Yoshi beacuse people question his gender and we cant have a character with 2 genders.
Birdo same as yoshi
Bowser He's too scary
 Toad Even though he was given legs to help reach the pedals, he still cant which is unsafe.
Toadette unlike toad, she doesn't have legs, just a longer dress to make her seem taller, but she's still short
Koopa Troopa Koopa Troopa's shell has been known to be kicked alot and can kill put people in an eternal sleep if hit by his shell.
Koopa Paratroopa he's not only a Koopa but he can home in on people like homing missles pidgeons and can paint himself blue and attactch spikes pokey thingies to his shell to create blue explosions glitterfests
Wario he likes to fart gas it
Waluigi nuff said
Honey Queen beacuse sheeees too big, but not as big as ridley and can sting  poke poison not good stuff into you
Honey King beacuse marrige in mario games is poison not good to the game
Donkey Kong he kidnapped mario's exgrilfriend, tired to kill put mario in an eternal bedtime, and tramatized many children and adults with a scary silly animated cartoon.
Wiggler he scared suprised many kids with his evil dissapointed expression
Ridley he was just too big
Baby Ridley he was just too small
Fluffy Ridley he was just too fluffy
Fluffy Baby Ridley he was just to fluffy and small
Pink Puff Peach how could one of the fluffy clones not promote safety, it's beacuse IT'S SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE FALL INTO AN ETERNAL SLEEP



There is only the 90 pound padding kart with 90 pounds of padding and the 90 pound padding tricycle, both are dull and uninteresting because colorful visuals moving at unsafe speeds should not only promote speeding but also cause seziers from too much colors. Nuff said, stay safe kids.



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