John Mogwai Vs Zak: Fight to the Death is a fic written by Sorastitch (tbc), PolisKanin (tbc) and Stelios7 (tbc). They will take turns making the chapters, except for Stelios who will be making one chapter.

The story revolves around two males, one of alien nature, and one of criminal nature. They fight for a mostly human being named Lelia Metals. Both love this woman the same, and will fight each other for her love in return.

CHAPTER ONE (Written by Sorastitch)

Dramatic Reading

John Mogwai put on his cool shades and took a snort of cocaine. A white material similar in nature to sand went up his nose, some getting caught in nose-hairs.

He then realized it wasn't cocaine, but fun-dip. His nose burned, and he screamed in pain, his shades falling off. The shades shattered into a million pieces, cracking the black stained glass. His hands covered his burning nostrils, even though that's not very helpful in a situation like this.

A yellow being stood in the corner, wearing a necklace and outfitted in a purple shirt and brown cargo pants. John Mogwai moved one of his hands towards his gun, but the yellow being slapped his hand away with his hoof-like hands.

"We want the same thing, and I'm pretty sure we can't have it both ways," said the being. His hoof hand pointed to John's love interest, Lelia, who was making a bean burrito. She wore her normal outfit, which was a white shirt and white pants, that was coupled together with a belt that also white, which made her orange hair and black bandanna stand out more than it should. She looked confused.

John looked straight at the being, and made eye contact.

"Oh, and we're going to make this fair too. No ranged weapons," said the being. He grabbed John's stash of guns and threw them to the corner of the street. "Hello, my name is Zak, you goofed up, prepare to die."

Chapter Two (Written by Mogwai)

Zak grabbed John's shirt, and shoved John to the floor. John jumped back up, and said "Oh so if its a fight you want, then its a fight you will get," He raised his fists "Come and get it!"

Zak headed towards John, but John was ready and punched Zak in the face, and Zak flew across the room. Zak waited for John to attack, and when John ran across the room, Zak kicked him and John smashed through the window and landed outside. John ran upstairs and returned to the fight. He prepared a move and went in for a swing, but suddenly....

"Dinner's ready hun!" Leila told John, and they stop for a meal. John, Zak and Leila calmly eat the bean burritos. They ate for about 10 minutes, and John went off to buy a new wii game. John returned home and saw Zak waiting there for the fight to resume. Zak scraped the floor with his foot, and John grinded his teeth. They both leaped to attack eachother, and John shoved Zak out the window.

"Hurts, dunnit," John said "But that pain you have will never happen to me." Zak jumped back in through the window and raised his fists, and punched John in the face, and John fell backwards.

"Wait; what was the wii game you bought?" Zak asked

"Mario Kart Wii." answered John "Why?"

They then went on Mario Kart Wii and raced. John won and Zak leaped to attack him. John grabbed Zak's neck, and shoved Zak, and bent Zak's back over the table.

"You dont wanna give that kind of s--- to John f---ing Mogwai."

CHAPTER 3 (Written by Sorastitch)

Zak got up, his back aching. It had been nearly an hour since John had apparently broke his back. The adrenaline kicked in, and he ran towards the predicted place that John would be. He ran towards the front door, where he saw John smoking a joint and Leila heading towards a car, presumably her own.

John put down his yellow tint shades and grabbed a gun. Zak dodged the bullets matrix-style, and then summoned his sword. He ran towards John, who proceeded to fire like an idiot and waste ammo. The sword cut through the gun and cut a bit of his already de-attached hand, making him scream in pain. Zak then proceeded to kick him in the nuts. John curled up in the fetal position and laid on the concrete sidewalk. Zak waited for Leila to get back, but then John grabbed onto Zak's back and they rolled on the black asphalt that was known as road.

Zak grabbed John's back and carried his body with both of his hands. John stabbed Zak in the back with a knife, causing his body to go limp, which caused both to fall off the bridge that Zak intended to throw John off.

They landed in the dirty water, and Zak shoved John into the water pipe. Zak stretched his arms to reach the edge of the bridge and waited for Leila to come back again, because he's an idiot. He had to take a bathroom break, so he used John's filthy toilet. He came out and Leila had pulled into the drive-way, where they ate Subway Footlongs. Then Leila and Zak started talking about John, and Zak was trying to convice her that John wasn't really the right type for her. Leila was about to say something when the sewer cap opened.

Chapter 4 (Written by Mogwai)

Zak and Leila turned to the sewer cap expecting to see John, but instead saw a rat. They then heard someone clear his througt, and they turned round, and it was John. Zak got up to see that John had a rifle. John whacked Zak in the face with it. Zak falls on the pavement, with John standing on the road. John pointed the gun at Zak's head.

"This is going to well for you, John." says Zak "But it will not stay that way for long."

"Says the guy with the f---ing rifle at his head."

SUDDENLY out of nowhere, a Quattro hits John.

ChApTeR 5 (Written by Stelios)

"Well, today was a adventure. Zak was threatening to eat John, so I took them to gnaw on some chicken wings. I then ran away, and they haven't returned since. They are noth acting like horny, immature teenagers. What even is Zak, he is a ugly, soulless menace, and John is just the most perverted guy I have ever met. He's handsome, but leaves himself in a state that is more than unpleasant. I really want to wrap a chunk of metal around them and bang their heads together. This isn't natural, bunch of crackheads!

I like being the centre of attention, don't get me wrong, but these two are going to kill themselves so none of them will get me! Oh dear god, I hear biting threats from Zak. They must be back... oh dear god. Gotta' run.

CHAPTER 6 (Written by Sorastitch)

Zak woke up from the hospital bed.

...What the h--- just happened? It was all a dream?

Then Zak woke up from the asphalt.

Zak had completely lost his mind. He constantly was in a state of paralysis, switching on how he woke up. None of the times he woke up was for real. He was trapped within his own mind, wrapping himself in a dream colored silk.

Then a guy in a suit woke him up. Zak laid still, for about five minutes. He stopped waking up. This was the real world. The guy in the suit looked suspiciously like Leonardo Dicaprio.

"I haven't seen anyone go that far in," said the man. "Most can't even handle level 2, but to go 50 levels, jeez..."

Zak then saw the man in his dream, John Mogwai. The man walked between the tables which they laid upon, eating a watermelon slice. "Wait a second, you guys aren't done waking up..."

Then Zak woke up in a grassy field.

POLL (Who deserves Leila more?)

Who deserves Leila more?

The poll was created at 17:06 on February 18, 2012, and so far 16 people voted.

Finale Part 1 (Written by Mogwai)

Before Zak could say a word, John Mogwai ran upto Zak wearing a rugby suit, and floored Zak, and they were suddenly transported to Leila.

"Leila," Zak said "Please don't let this pervert take over your life, and replace your life with constant sexual moments."

"Leila," John said "How could you think of being with this thing? He's no human, thats beastiality!"

"Zak..." Leila replied"I cannot make this decision; you care more. But John can do stuff you can't imagine. Neither is better, so why fight?"

"Ah yes, this is immature." John pointed out "We should just let Leila have who she wants, not who survives a death battle."

"BULL CRAP!" shouted Zak. "Its a fight to death we started, its a fight to death we finish with; until one is no longer breathing."

Finale Part 2 (Written by Sorastitch)

But then, Zak fell to the ground, making a clunking sound and mechanical whirrs.

"He's here," said Zak.

Suddenly, out from an invisible mechanism, a blue squid wearing a red cap with yellow tentacles came out.

"I waited so long for this moment, Leila!" said the squid. He floated over to Leila, and grabbed for her mouth and grabbed her hands. Two hooligans popped up from behind him and pointed two pistols at John and Zak.

"Well, we're all f---ed now," said John. Zak put his hands up and John did the same. Hooly lead them all in a cell underground.

"I liked it better when we were sharing bean burritos," said Zak. "You know what? Let's just be friends. It was better that way."

"Speaking of that..." said Mogwai. A large fart sound occurred, and a terrible smell melted the bars. Zak and John ran out, alarms sounding. A yellow rat with a red headband came in front of them.

"I deserve her, not you idiots!" said the yellow rat. Zak kicked him, and the yellow rat cracked open his own knee during the knock-back. "OW MY KNEE! OW MY F---ING KNEE!"

They came into Hooly's office, where Leila was being feed a purple material. She was completely drugged out, and Hooly jumped up from where he was standing, which was behind Leila's chair. The chair and Leila fell face flat onto the ground.

John held up a gun, and Zak held up a sword. "This is it," said John.

They slashed off one of Hooly's tentacles, and Hooly sunk to the ground, knocked out. His collapsed body hit the fire trap switch, and the room was submerged in fire.

Leila woke up, and saw her two rescuers. Which would she choose?

FINALE PART 3 (Written in parts by Mogwai and Sorastitch)

Five months later...

Leila looked at her date for the evening, and looked at the menu. The menu said a multiple of things she didn't care about at all, but the clam chicken bacon supreme looked disgustingly good.

"I'll have that, thank you," she said to the waiter. She wore a stunning white dress, similar in design of White Goddess. She looked over to her date again and smiled at him. It was mostly quiet for now, but she didn't really want to talk now. Her hair was done in so many beautiful curls and yet kept long. Her date wore a black suit and a red tie.

She ate the clam chicken supreme with complete silence. Her date would try and talk but once he knew what she wanted, he hushed, giving her gift that she wanted.

Her date paid for the meal, and he led her to her car. He drove her home.

You realize we're still not giving out who she ends up with since there's no fair way to do this?

But we can do this. There are mutiple solutions to every problem, and everytime there is, a new pane is created. These panes are seperate views, unconnected, unsolved.

In one pane, Hooly and Leila are married and have squid-babies. Another, Kaichu and Leila are married and have pichukids. In different panes, different Zaks and different Johns have different outcomes with this one woman. This one amazing woman who has been through trials almost unimaginable, from death to kidnapping. Which pane do we follow? The one the author prefers or the one you choose?

Either way, everybody makes out with Leila.

OUTCOME 1 (Written by Sorastitch)

She walked outside of the car, the night air filling her lungs. She walked towards the door, only for her date to stop her with a word.


She stopped, her focus on him. His hoof like hand pulled out a grey box. She walked towards him.

"Take it,"

She took the box, his yellow face beaming. She opened it.

It was a silver ring. She tested it between her hands, putting it between her fingers. It was decorated in cold gold writing, and decorated with a single, small red ruby.

She ran towards her date and kissed him deeply. Between almost two different worlds doesn't seem so easy, but it was.

Zak and Leila were married a couple months later.

OUTCOME 2 (Written by Sorastitch)

She walked outside of the car, the night air filling her lungs. She walked towards the door, only for her date to stop her with a word.

"Hold on,"

She stopped, her focus on him. His floating hand pulled out a grey box. She walked towards him.

"Take it,"

She took the box, his human face beaming. She opened it.

It was a gold ring. She tested it between her hands, putting it between her fingers. It was decorated in cold silver writing, and decorated with a single, small green diamond.

She ran towards her date and kissed him deeply. Law and criminal activity doesn't mix well, but it mixed well now.

John Mogwai and Leila were married a couple months later.

OUTCOME 3 (Written by Sorastitch)

Hooly had managed to capture both of the escapees, and that left her and him alone.

"Don't you already have a girlfriend?" she asked. She was struggling to get out.

He floated over to her. "She wasn't forever," he answered. "Maybe you will be,"

"I don't want to be with a sick, slimy pervert like you," she shot back.

"Honestly, you should relax your options to one. Both are dirt-poor compared to me. I'm the richest thing in the universe, and your the hottest thing out there." he explained.

Leila and Hooly married, but only over materialistic gain.

OUTCOME 4 (Written by nobody)

Yeah no, I'm not writing the outcome for Kaichu and Leila.

OUTCOME 5 (Written by nobody)

And I'm not writing the one where Leila reveals she's a lesbian and makes out with Bella Petals.



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