John's Story


A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!
What will the name of this young man be?
Try again, smartass!
Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.
And today, you are going to be playing a very special GAME with your friends. But first, you have to retrieve the game from the mail...

John's House

Intro message: Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox.

Dad boss fight

JOHN: aw man! i really don't want to have to fight you right now!
DAD: ...
JOHN: oh fine. i really need that game, after all!

After the fight

JOHN: i did it! alright, now to abscond to my room and begin playing.

Land of Wind and Shade

Intro message: The sky is dark and the pits dangerous. What world might this be?

Clubs Deuce boss fight

JOHN: who are you?? why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?
CLUBS: I'd rather wear this outfit than anything else...
JOHN: it doesn't look very practical for battle, though.
CLUBS: You're right, I guess I'll be ditching it for now. What's up?
JOHN: you look pretty sinister, though ineffective. should i be telling you what's up?
CLUBS: You probably shouldn't. I'm a member of the Midnight Crew!

After the fight

CLUBS: If I had worn the outfit I would have won...
JOHN: no, you'd just be a bigger target!

Land of Light and Rain

Intro message: The radiance is blinding. Turtles spread across the land...

Hearts Boxcars boss fight

JOHN: are you another member of that gang? the... what was it called again?
HEARTS: The burliest member at that.
JOHN: what's your deal, anyway? always bugging and fussing and meddling.
HEARTS: You're fated to destroy The Black King. It's our job to defeat you.
JOHN: black king? i don't even know who that is... why would i want to destroy him?
HEARTS: It's your job in this game.
JOHN: hey, aren't you usually the first to die? why am i fighting you second?
HEARTS: Enough!

After the fight

HEARTS: I think you've cut my head...
JOHN: dying in the usual manner, i see...
HEARTS: It hasn't fallen off yet!

Land of Heat and Clockwork

Intro message: Mechanisms grind across this heatscape... billions of Daves fly in the night.

Diamonds Droog boss fight

JOHN: hey! there's two of you guys!
DIAMONDS: Spades, the boy's shooting bullets for inexplicable reasons, do you really think we can take 'im?
SPADES: No, I think you can. Alone.
DIAMONDS: What? Are you busy?
SPADES: That's right. I still have unfinished business with the Queen.
DIAMONDS: If you're so against the regime, then why do we have to kill the Heroes?
SPADES: He's already taken down half of us, I don't think he'll stop now...
JOHN: i can hear you, you know!
SPADES: Get to work.
DIAMONDS: Don't- augh! Hey, boy, I have better things I could be doing, so let's get this over with.

After the fight

JOHN: why are you making trouble in our game?
DIAMONDS: If you haven't figured it out, we're not just gaming constructs... we have our own motives, you know.
JOHN: then I guess I should be worried?
DIAMONDS: Very... Spades is executing a dangerous plan out of hate.

Land of Frost and Frogs

Intro message: A snowy amphibious breeding ground extends as far as the eye can see.

Spades Slick boss fight

JOHN: what's that, on the horizon?
SPADES: That's Derse, kid. Location of the Black Queen.
JOHN: i've heard the names of these royals, but i don't quite get who they are...
SPADES: They're supposed to be the bosses of this game. The Queen has the ring that will grant me the power!
JOHN: but what is that other thing?
SPADES: Skaia? It's the planet of the war.
JOHN: what's that yellow one?
SPADES: I don't have time to explain everything to you, kid... it's time I took you out!

After the fight

JOHN: there! i beat you at a strife, now can you point me towards the next gate?
SPADES: I'm not done yet!
JOHN: get back here!


Intro message: A war without cause ~ Does it really matter?

Bec Noir boss fight

JOHN: finally! i caught up! now- wait, why are you a dog?
BEC: I have the ring now... it's given me the powers of all four sprites! One of them is a dog, but no ordinary dog...
JOHN: what do you plan to accomplish, anyway?
BEC: I'm going to use my new powers to disease the universe. You can't escape the miles!
JOHN: ...if that's your plan... i'm afraid i'll have to stop you...
BEC: Didn't you just hear? You can't escape the miles!
JOHN: if you're good as me at tricks, maybe you can.
BEC: Tricks? I don't understand, what are you referring to?
JOHN: cannot hope to beat me in a prank-off. i am simply the best there is!

After the fight

JOHN: there! what did i tell you?
BEC: Your mangrit is so intense... how...?
JOHN: i don't know why sburb's full of living beings, but you've sidetracked me. i still have a game to play, so i'm going to make my way to my friends now.
BEC: I have the power of the ring... you got so lucky... but besting me in a strife doesn't mean I'm dead!
JOHN: what? where did he just disappear to?

Ending A

Felt Mansion

Intro message: You rang?

Halfway through the stage

SCRATCH: Welcome to my apartment.
JOHN: what? who are you?
SCRATCH: I am a doctor. A scratch doctor, if you will.
JOHN: i was just trying to head back to my land or whatever, and now i'm here? why?
SCRATCH: I don't know. You must have strayed off from your course. Still, though, make yourself comfortable in the meantime. I am, after all, an excellent host.
JOHN: can you tell me where spades slick went?
SCRATCH: Jack Noir, the Sovereign Slayer?
JOHN: okay...?
SCRATCH: He went to a different universe. Anyway, I have business I need to take care of. I'm expecting some other guests.
JOHN: alright...

Lord English boss fight

JOHN: hey, it's you again! i still don't know why i'm here. where's the exit?
SCRATCH: Apologies, but it seems I will have to perform my purpose.
JOHN: your... purpose?
SCRATCH: I was an excellent host.
JOHN: oh, what are you doing?!
JOHN: ...!

After the fight

JOHN: what... was that thing?

Ending B

Rose's Story

Dave's Story

Jade's Story

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