S1E1 - Merc With A Mouth, Part 1

[Episode begins with Deadpool in a helicopter]

Deadpool: Okay, I got to my objective I'm going to drop off now!

Deadpool jumps out of the helicopter without a parachute.

Deadpool: That was a safe landing.

Voice #1: Wait, who is piloting the helicopter then?

Deadpool: Uh, I thought it had auto-pilot system.

The helicopter drops on the water.

Deadpool: Uh, I guess helicopters do have a sense of comedy.

Voice #1: Congratulations, now you don't have any way to return.

Deadpool: Where are we again?

Voice #1: Bolivia.

The camera pans out to show the entire city where they are in while the French national anthem plays.

Voice #1: Wrong anthem.

Record needle scratch as it changes to the Bolivian national anthem.

Voice #2: Weren't we supposed to steal the weapons that those insane bums were asking to us?

Deadpool: Oh, yeah. But I forgot where they are.

A big flashing sign saying "WEAPONS THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. NOT A TRAP." appears.

Voice #1: We can add big flashing signs into the list of things that have a sense of comedy that we didn't knew about.

Deadpool: So we go in the direction of the sign?

Voice #2: Sure, after all, the sign did said that it wasn't a trap.

Deadpool: Sounds good to me.

[Deadpool enters the warehouse where the sign was pointing at]

Cops: Stop right there!

Deadpool: It's a trap!

Voice #1: Clearly nobody could ever see this coming.

Voice #2: What a twist!

Voice #1: Shut up.

Deadpool: Oh, it is just a bunch of cops I can deal with them.

[Deadpool pulls out his guns and shoots the cops]

Deadpool: I was expecting something more difficult.

[A giant robot called the Cop-A-Tron 3000 falls from the ceiling]

Deadpool: Ok, now this is just dumb.

Voice #1: Says you.

Deadpool: Shut up, voice... in my head... Wow, I just realized how dumb that was.

Voice #1: Hey, don't call me dumb.

Deadpool: Let's dance, robot.

[Deadpool pulls out his twin katanas and manages to destroy the robot.]

Voice #1: You know, this time I think you should stay quiet because if you might say something something even bigger might appear.

Deadpool: Like what?

[T-Ray appears]

Voice #1: Oh goddamn it.

T-Ray: We meet again, Deadpool.

Deadpool: T-Ray! I remember you! I'm just saying this so that we can have a flashback to explain your backstory!

[Flashback transition]

Deadpool: You were one of the members of the Hellh-

[Goes back to the real time]

Deadpool: You know what, let's just fight instead of this flashback bullshit.

Voice #1: This is the first time you said something that I agree with.

[Deadpool and T-Ray fights, after a few minutes, T-Ray disappears]

Deadpool: Uh, that was weird.

Voice #1: Totally not plot relevant.

Voice #2: Like, yes, that's completely what people came here for. Plot.

Voice #1: Hey, I am the sane voice here don't steal my role.

Deadpool: Stop fighting voices in my head... This is getting more awkward than last time. Anyway, let's grab this crate.

Voice #1: Why that crate?

Deadpool: Because I like it's color.

Voice #1: It is the same as the other-

Deadpool: Shut up, now let's go to... Alaska!


Voice #1: Why are in Alaska again?

Deadpool: I don't know.

Voice #1: How did we even got here?

Deadpool: Magic.

Voice #1: Let's just go back to Canada.

Deadpool: Sure.


Voice #1: This makes me wonder why did we ever need that helicopter in the first place?

Deadpool: Sheesh, you and your observations making life unfun since the scientists said that fast food is bad.

Voice #1: But they are.

Deadpool: Shut up.

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